Ricky!

Being a huge advocate and supporter of the DC gay population, I'm happy and proud of Senor Enrique Martin for his recent coming out. Surprised? Abso-fricken-lutely NOT! I mean, not to stereotype, but what heterosexual man that you know wears jeans that tight, adopts twin babies as a single dad, and enthusiastically tells you to "shake your bon bon"? While I nevertheless consider him a top five stud, I didn't exactly go into cardiac arrest today when I found out that Ricky came true about his colors (which are clearly rainbow indeed). In fact, I even further admire him for making himself all the more vulnerable in a pop culture that is sometimes brash and judgmental. And, hopefully, Ricky can serve as an inspiration to others out their, regardless of sexual orientation, showcasing that you can be talented, successful, and handsome, with your sexuality only being a small fragment of your overall self. Hopefully, we'll one day all be laughing at the fact that someone's sexual orientation is actually news worth.
While I'm sure that there are many men out there praising Jesus right now for Ricky's confirmation on their dreams, I want to send Ricky Martin all of my love and support for a continued successful career and my admiration for his courage to continue to be true to himself.

Pop your Cherry Blossom...

Yes, I too get very irritated by the Mid-Western tourist taking pictures of every single blossom on the trees by the National Mall, wearing the most rancid fanny-packs I've ever seen in my life and walking so slowly that I want to run them over in hostility. My hair not being prepared for the humidity and needing a much needed Keratin relaxer, along with seeing the couples in those paddle boats (honestly, what is so romantic about seeing your significant other in one of those disgusting rap around life preservers?) also makes me want to vom. But once I get over all of that, I'm so ready for the 2010 Cherry Blossom Festival. And you should be too.
As a former Cherry Blossom Princess, I spent the entire week going to every little event and go-see for the festival, and have first hand experience about the good and the ugly. Though you commoners won't have the opportunity to meet the Japanese Ambassador like I did (probably the only celebrity I met during the week, so please, let me have my bragging rights), embracing your Washington heritage, experience the spring showers, and if you haven't been to a Cherry Blossom Festival yet, get ready to pop your cherry blossom, because the first time's always the best...

• Check out the dance troups, musicians, and poets performing throughout the afternoons on the public stage on 15th and Independence this week. I saw everything from Living States to Japanese bell ringers during my reign as Princess.
• The Latern Lighting at the Tidal Basin, though a little bit Grandma-like, is something to see if your in the mood. On April 4th at 2:30, be a part of history as the American National Society of States commemorates our continued respect and peace efforts with Japan. Arigato.
• FIREWORKSSSS!!!! It doesn't have to be Fourth of July for a little bit of an explosion in the sky. Enjoy them at 7th and Maine SW, eat a hot dog, and pretend it's summer.
• If you haven't been to the US Botanical Gardens, this is your opportunity. On March 31st from 6:30 to 8:30, see an array of Japanese fauna, including Samurai Orchids, while you tour the botanical gardens. It smells so good in there and you feel like you're in the Amazon. So worth it. 
• The Cherry Blossom Parade: Although I played hookie when asked to march in the rain as this when I was princess, the parade in a free event with awesome floats, snacks, and those little guys in the crazy hats who drive around in little cars. If it's nice out on April 10th, be sure to hit up Constitution Ave. by 10 am to get a prime view.

Work on that Japanese, hit up some events, and be sure to give the evil eye to any tourist walking too slowly. Enjoy!

Keep Telephoning Me...

You're obviously either a caveman or a Jesuit monk if you haven't heard the hoopla surrounding Lady Gaga and Beyonce's dangerously delicious new track, and music video, Telephone; Which is why I'm not going to go on and on about how much this video is that of an opus or masterpiece. As the 'Thriller' for our generation, you'll not only see how fashionable a female jail can be, but also experience Gaga's private parts (that are bleeped out, sorry boys and girls), a telephone-embossed headdress, and a mass murder at a local diner, all while Beyonce and Gaga are cruising the town in Tarantino's famous 'Pussy Wagon'. The creativity, rawness, and all around insanely excellent fashion in this video make it legendary, and make me love Gagalicious that much more (though I didn't think I had the ability to). But despite my obsession with the nine minutes in this heaven of a music video, I do still have some questions that maybe other Gaga fans out there have pondered as well:

• Why the 'how to make a sandwich' vignette? There is nothing sexy about sandwich making and I just really don't get it.
• Did she really have to choose the ugliest lesbian alive to be her jail-yard lover?
• Has our Princess of Pop had any cosmetic work done as of recent? The eyes are looking a little larger than usual, the nose a little smaller...

Regardless, check out the video at the link below if you have yet to see it. And prepare to be obsessed. 

Telephone (Official Explicit Version) - Lady Gaga ft. Beyoncé | Music Video | VEVO

All About Lashes

Any female or gay male knows that one's eyelashes are probably one (if not the) most important part of
one's facial composition. They radiate sensuality, act as the perfect accessory for any look, and do a great job in balancing out facial proportions. They're fun to bat at other people (Hello there stud, on the other side of the room), and make you feel like a MAC makeup artist if you're able to do them just right. Most importantly, they just add a general extra 'oompf' to your look next to all of your friends who will probably just use some cheapy mascara to look good on Saturday night. For those of you who haven't, leopards, it's time for you to kick it up a notch.
Having a "larger than life" nose, to put it nicely, I've become an expert at playing up my lashes through different mascaras, false lashes, and semi-permanent lash growing techniques from my plastic surgeon. With some being amazing and others being the most bogus pieces of crap on the market, I have some great recommendations that will make your barely-there eye stubble transform into lashes of Gaga-licious lengths. If you've got a Sephora Beauty Insider card and a little bit of extra time on your hands during your makeup regimen (which you should, because it will only make you look better), than it's about time you stop using that stupid Great Lengths CVS mascara (circa: 1982) and try one of these daring products:
Mascara:
-Dior Show ($28, Sephora, Dept. Stores): Probably the best classic mascara on the market. Yet, it is rather pricey, but it won't only increase the length of your lashes, but will do a number for volume and color, as well. Now if only there was a $28 product that could do that for your boobs, as well.
-L'Oreal Double Extend ($7.99, CVS): The product that got me through middle and high school. For the price, it's actually not that bad, and has a primer and mascara, which is perfect for adding length to short lashed girls like me.
-Deja Vu Fiberwig 3D Mascara ($14.00, Sephora): MY FAVORITE PRODUCT! Honestly, the fiber particles will quickly dry with each coat, and as you continue applying, will be able to increase the length of your lashes. Plus, it's great for people with sensitive eyes, and only needs water for removal.
-Shu Uemera Mascara ($27, Neiman Marcus): Voted by Allure magazine as the best mascara out there, get ready for some black lashes. This product is not only rich in material, but is one of the darkest color blacks that I've seen on a mascara in a long time.
Fake Lashes:
-Ardell False Lashes ($3.50, CVS): Honestly, there's no reason to spend a lot on lashes if they're just for going out. CVS has this awesome line that I swear by, and some of the packaging even comes with a free mini-tube of adhesive. If it's your first stab at lashes, go for these.
-MAC False Lashes ($8.99, MAC Counters): Want something a bit more dramatic? MAC is great if you're looking for something a bit more specific, whether you'd like brown lashes or a style that fans out at the end a bit more. Plus, if you purchase them, a MAC artist will apply them for you on the spot (which is cheating, so don't let me catch you do this).
-Make Up Forever Lashes ($15.00, Sephora): This is for the times you're really looking for something Halloween-status. Coming in all colors and all textures, be a trend setter and rock out in some lime green lashes.
TIPS: If it's your first time, pick up an adhesive in black. Duo, at CVS, makes a great line of black glue; this way, when you're applying it, the glue will dry to blend right in with your eyeliner. Also be sure to place a second layer of glue OVER the lashes to act as a sealer; you don't want to be kissing that boy at the club and all of a sudden have him realize he's got a fake track of eyelashes up his left nostril.
Lash Enhancement:
-Latisse ($120/month supply): If it worked for Brooke Sheilds, it's gotta work for you. But really, this former glaucoma treatment that I've used in the past will have you lashes growing at a pretty steady rate within two months. The key? Consistency. The moment you forget to use it, forget about it.
-Revitalash Eyelash Conditioner ($69/month supply): Does pretty much the same thing as Latisse, but for a lesser price and less dramatic results. But if you're not looking for crazy results, I definitely trust this product and assure you that you won't end up with pink eye or anything after usage.
-Temporary Eyelash Extensions ($25/2 weeks): Done with a special glue that holds sections of lashes together in clusters, this technique is great if you have a long term special event, or anything else that requires you to look nice for a long period of time without actually having to wear a lot of makeup. Envy Nails (4425 Wisconsin Ave) in Tenleytown does a great job in applying this sort of extension (Ask for Kathy).
-Semi-Permanent Eyelash Extensions ($300/3 months): This nearly two hour long process is medically tested and a little bit more legit than the temporary technique. Each strand is glued on individually, and the lashes are sealed there for up to three months (You're also less apt to get an eye infection with this method, which isn't a bad thing). Check out Aveda in Georgetown if you're looking for something this route.

Bat those lashes and pump up your look for spring. You never know who you'll attract.

Paint the Office Leopard

I never thought the day would come in which I would retire the Dansko's and moleskin notebook for my daily 86 list. But, with luck, persistence, and many interviews, I was lucky enough to start my first day in marketing at a DC-based Fortune 500 company. After spending three hours the night before picking out the perfect outfit (only to realize that pumps and stockings were totally unnecessary in my business casual arena) and stressing about how on Earth I'll decorate my little cubicle, my anxieties were lifted as I was greeted by friendly colleagues, managers, and associates. While it will still take a while of adjusting to get used to office life (Why do we have to use waterbottles instead of Dixie Cups? Why Microsoft Outlook instead of Gmail?), I can't help but hum the Dunder Mifflin theme song as I go up the elevator to my space each day. And because The Office is my only frame of reference to any office work, I can't help but find some unique similarities among the company in which I now work and our beloved Dunder Mifflin:

• We both have philanthropic organizations: Though not very similar, at all. Because who else besides Michael Scott could organize a Rabies Fun Run For the Cure, complete with LiveStrong bracelets and a check made out to 'Science'?
• We both have recently gone 'green' by using complimentary office mugs: Except the ones given by Sabre at Dunder Mifflin are made from aluminum, and give off a disgusting after taste of metal.
• We do have conference meetings: Except our managers don't use them to have an hour talking about nonsense, nor do they have coworkers dance to keep other coworkers in labor feeling more at ease.
• We are both festive during the holidays: But don't go overboard. Moroccan-themed Christmas? Mexican-themed fiesta for the Hispanic employee, complete with pinatas? Phyllis Vance dressed up as Santa? No, a simple cake or candy cane will do just fine at my new office, thank you.
• We work in sales: But don't talk about pregnancy issues, health problems, or other issues that would manifest sympathy to seal the deal with a sale.
• We bring our lunch to work: But stay away from bringing in roadkill to be eaten later, a la Dwight Schrute and his Christmas goose.
• We all went to good schools: But does it come up in every other sentence spoken out of our mouths? Sorry, Andy Bernard; It's time to heavily limit Cornell in your vocabulary.
• We support each other: But would never all show up hospital bedside of an employee hit by a car if one of our other employees hit them in the first place. Definitely wasn't one of Michael Scott's most smoothest of moves, but definitely an amazing season opener.
• We encourage healthy lifestyles: By offering discounted gym memberships and healthy snacks to one another. We don't, however, spray junk food with DEET for fear that our colleagues will get too fat, nor do we make the whole office stand on a giant scale at the end of every work day.
• We embrace our diversity: But don't play diversity "games" in which we stick ethnic slurs written on post-its on each others' heads and try to act out what the ethnicity is. 

In the tough economy, I feel truly blessed and happy that I've received a job in a field that I could see myself working in long term. And while I won't reveal the company itself, I can't help but constantly compare it to the company that I secretly wish existed; Dunder Mifflin.

Time to Bulk Up

But not in a female body-builder type of way, because that would just be frightening. But as seventy degree weather becomes less and less of a rarity and the humidity kicks in, clothes start to become tinier and catcalls tend to get louder and more obnoxious. And though it's rare that you'll give up that weekly Georgetown cupcake or Friday night drinking binge, it's time to kick your game up at the gym if you expect to look halfway decent if you're even thinking about tanning on the Waterfront. Having recently tested out a ton of different fitness programs and classes on my own due to too many late night trips to Honey Pig, try giving a less conventional (or conventional) fitness plan a try to relieve stress, get rid of the love handles, and feel all-around better about yourself:

• Try Spinning: Really, I'm addicted. This rigorous, forty five minute cycling class amps up all of its participants in its dark room with loud, blaring music. You'll burn up to 600 calories in the time of the class and won't have to deal with the embarrassment of seeing people if you were cycling on the street. The downside? The narrow seat hurts my butt and some of the Georgetown moms are so damn dramatic in my class that they moan like they're going through labor.
• Quick Trim: Because who doesn't want to look like a Kardashian? Though I don't actually know how healthy this "natural dietary supplement" is, I have several girlfriends who have lost weight fast by taking it. It seems perfect for those last minute cases of desperation. Because how hot can you look?
• Cardio Karatedo: At Vida Fitness in Chinatown (which I refuse to attend, since ever guy I ever knew in my life seems to workout there), one of the most popular classes, Karatedo, is a combination of kick boxing and Tae Kwon Do moves that will have you sweating in the first ten minutes. What's better, you'll also learn how to kick ass while you're kicking your own.
• ZUMBA!: I don't know why they put an exclamation point at the end of the title, but I tried it once and it's not that bad. Using hip-hop and Latin infused fast paced moves, this moderate workout will make you feel amazing and you'll feel like you're a good dancer, too.
• BenderBall: This made me and my college room mate, Noor, have legitimate abs during our junior year. If you Google Benderball, you'll be able to order the excellent ball along with three DVDs for a $20. Your abs will be sore and you'll stand out amongst a sea of beer bellies. And, you'll be able to revisit the belly shirt trend. 
• Hot Yoga: I did this once and started seeing white spots, but have a lot of friends who get a lot out of this workout. For ninety minutes, you might as well be working out on the steps of the Taj Mahal in July, as you perform basic yoga moves in a hundred-ten degree room. The downside? My instructor was chubby, which wasn't exactly any motivation for all of the suffering.
• Ultimate Conditioning Class at WSC: This class at the WSC in Georgetown made spinning seem like a day at the spa. For fifty-five minutes, get ready to die as you do non-stop trainer workouts that include weights, abdominals, and extremely intense cardio. I took this class two days ago and it still hurts to sit down.

Want a class but have no gym? Leopards, the District accommodates all socio-economic backgrounds when it comes to getting in shape:

Poor? YMCA. 1711 Rhode Island Ave NW. (202)-785-5295. $24/mo.

Working Class? Washington Sports Club. Multiple Locations. (202)-737-3555. $69/mo.

Rich Girl? Vida Fitness. 601 F Street NW. (866)-382-VIDA. $99/mo.

Celebutante? The Sports Club LA. 22 M St. NW. (202)-974-6600. $149/mo.

Regardless of your budget or fitness goals, continue munching on the Doritos, but get to the gym so you don't become the Doritos Blimp. And, please, spare us all; Stay far, far away from any Cardio Striptease classes. 

Funxion

I love going to places in DC that make me feel like I'm in Europe. As a waitress, I don't often have the funding to jet set to Mykonos whenever I have the desire, so instead, I'm forced to enter La La Land whenever I'm in certain DC establishments and pretend that I'm in Ibiza instead of sweating next to an eighteen year old GW girl in Eyebar. The new, delicious "juice bar with booze" on 1390 F street takes me back to fond memories of studying abroad in Paris in an effortless way. Funxion, which opened two weeks back, was immediately dubbed an "industry" hot spot, which probably kept me from making an appearance at first (no, I don't necessarily want to see every single person I ever worked with in DC nightlife at the same second). But after my roommate, Christina, hyped it up to me big time, I went in with low expectations and figured I'd give it a try. AND WOW! Serving adorable pisco sours with fresh fruit and delicious cucumber cocktails, Funxion attempts to put a healthy twist on getting drunk. Not looking to drink? Don't get nervous, because Funxion also functions (haha) as a restaurant, serving amazing pizza, burgers, and smoothies that all pride themselves in being low in preservatives. But if you ARE looking for a nighttime spot, Funxion is the perfect mixture of lounge chillness and high mileage Euro-trash. With the mod, multi-colored walls, narrow interior, and DJ booth over looking the crowd, it is clear that the owner, Sed Haddad, is definitely making a huge effort to stand out. And he's succeeding;    From the smallest detailing of the automatic utilities in the restrooms to the violinist featured alongside the house music DJ, there's sure to be something for everyone at this new venue. And, you'll be able to drink a cocktail and get you're servings of vegetables at the same time.

Visit Funxion at 1309 F Street, open all nights of the week.