Why Does Kimmie Always Have to Act Sexy?!

We’ve got it. She’s rich, has perfect Victoria Secret Angels hair, moderately Botoxed lips, and a derriere with an unfair ratio of barely any cellulite to go with its size (hello, Lipo?). But despite her modern day Sophia Loren-esque sex appeal, home girl has GOT to relax. From playing with her nephew to eating a sandwich, everything Kim Kardashian does is labeled with some in-your-face innuendo. Now, I could understand this if she debuted in her first film as a prudey character; however, her first movie debut was in a sex tape with disgusting Ray J and her first cover was on Playboy. And aside from being photographed with so many men that she’s practically the mattress of Hollywood, her charm, philanthropic efforts, and family-first mentality will be completely overshadowed should she continue to keep this up. Here are some shots of Kim exuding sex in her daily life:



Pull your damn bottoms up and put
on a cover up!!! I understand it's the
beach, but football is an agressive game

Kim (second from the left), needs to have her boobies out
for her family's Christmas card. She looks fab, but save this
look for an award show! Plus, the 12 year old sister to her
left looks like Elvira.

Because who REALLY wears this for
a workout?

At the opening for Sugar Gourmet Lollipops.
No comment.

Because why not have the perfect
DSL pout when posing with your
eight-month-old nephew?



Again, this post is by no means a bash on Kim Kardashian. I think she's done a great job marketing herself and reinforces my own sense of pride in my curves. With the Kate Moss' and Natalie Portman's framing Hollywood's female body standards for the past five years, the Kardashian girls do shed a positive image in the fact that a girl doesn't have to be a stick thin Ana to be beautiful. I just wish she'd be a little bit more regular sometimes.

Fabulous Holidays

I grew up with a mom who loved Longchamp, Ralph Lauren, and Earth tones. And though I wouldn’t trade her for anything else in the world, definitely blossomed into a person of different tastes, preferences, and styles. This especially came into fruition every year during the holidays; I’d want the blinking colored lights, she’d want classy white ones. She’d insist on a real tree, but my allergies would always make me complain for a fake one. And, most memorably, she bought a Caucasian, light-up Santa Claus for our yard, and I asked why we couldn’t have bought a Black one (to match the Black light up Santa that my childhood best friend’s family had). But in the spirit of creativity – and not to mention now having my own place- I’ve been able to conceptualize and put together some of my Christmas fantasy designs that are completely fabulous and very leopard-esque. Wondering what these would consist of?

• A faux, white, 1950’s style cellophane Christmas tree. It looks very sexy and Miami-chic.
• A Mrs. Claus Leg’s Avenue costume to wear on Christmas Eve (regardless of the fact that it’s just a sexy Halloween costume for college girls).
• Silver baubles and wreaths a la Michael Scott’s “classy” Christmas party in the latest Christmas edition of The Office.
• Front yard lawn ornaments of reindeer and snowmen bedazzled in cold and silver sequins.
• Pink and gold Christmas lights on the front lawn like the ones I fell in love with at Christmastown in Williamsburg this past weekend.
• Plenty of eggnog, Jaegermeister, and other cinnamon-y cocktails to take you awasailing.There are also several Christmas trends of the now that should definitely be boycotted and downright scare me:
• Those blow-up Christmas displays people put on their front lawns. I love tacky things, but these are really pushing it.
• Those weird caroler statues that are all making their ‘O’ faces. Sorry but no.
• Mistletoes. I’m over it, I’ll make out on my own time and I always end up at a family Christmas party standing underneath one with my dad, brother, or someone TOTALLY non-ideal to be standing underneath a kissing plant with. Ewie.
So put up your white tree and find some hot pink lights. Just because it’s Christmas doesn’t mean you have to wear red and green. And be sure to avoid the mistletoe at family occasions.

Christmas is a Time for Salvation Army

AKA where I’ll be shopping very soon if my spending habits continue on the route they are headed. Yes, while I love the holidays, my life in DC, a new dress for my office Christmas party, and a trip to the Gansevoort in Miami for NYE has definitely done some extreme damage onto my checking account. And that doesn’t even include the fact that I have yet to buy a single Christmas present for anyone! I love gift giving and surprising my friends and family, but realized that with so many obligations on my end financially, will definitely need to get creative for Xmas this year. And as I’m sure many of you will too, here are my suggestions for gifts that are sexy and won’t force collections to come after you come January:

• For your brother: Sneakers or the full season of a show that the two of you watch together. Boys love new kicks and stupid tv shows. It’s that simple.
• For your sister: I don’t have one but if I did, I’d get her Sephora anything. They have so many great gift packs over the holidays that look like they’d be so expensive but in actuality are actually like $25. Plus, I’ve never not liked a gift before that makes me prettier.
• For your aunt: A bedazzled candle. Something from Crate & Barrel. Stuff like this makes old people go “awww”.
• For your uncle: A cigar. Grilling utensils. Golf things. Something that makes him feel super manly.
• For your grandmother: A donation to a nice charity in her name. Because, really, what does she need?
• For your grandfather: Reading material- if you’re like mine, non-fiction only. Fiction is for crackpots.
• For nieces, nephews, cousins, and the under 13 crew: I honestly don’t know what’s cool this year, but if it was me, would have definitely taken a Furby or Tamagotchi at the time.
• For your BF4L: An inside-joke item. Perhaps a funny framed photo of a boy they’re obsessed with. You can get creative on Shutterfly.com with this.
• For your significant other: Not an item, but an experiencial gift that the two of you have to do together. Because you’re hot and worth it- obvi!
• For your boss: A nice bottle of wine. They’ll need it after dealing with you for the past however long.
• For your dad: A new, flattering piece of clothing that will upgrade his old-school look. You don’t have to go too crazy money wise to do this, either.
• For your mom: Splurge. Disregard the fact that you’re on a budget. Louis Vuitton, Chloe, whatever. She ruined her vagina for you.

I’ll definitely be making the rounds at Tysons Corner and the Georgetown Mall, but can’t wait to see everyone’s faces light up with a new item under the tree for them. Even though I’ll be eating brown rice until my paycheck comes January 1st.

Christmas in Washington

And I’m not referring to that TERRIBLE Joan Baez song that I was recently introduced to. If you’re a Christmas junkie, DC is the perfect city for the holidays, with so many fun/romantical things to do. While I definitely have several things on my agenda, here are some Paint the Town Leopard-esque activities that are completely Grinch-free should you try to be getting into the holiday spirit:


• Hit up the zoo: But wear your sexiest Snow Bunny gear and bring a man, because it won’t be warm. Though I haven’t been in years, the zoo has a great light display that will definitely have you feeling like you’re in the North Pole. Extra points if you hit up the Woodley Park bar scene afterwards.
• Go see the National Christmas Tree!!!: It’s so fun and will really make you feel like you’re in DC. Plus, most of the Smithsonian’s stay open late night during the Christmas season, so you can go do something cultural afterwards.
• Cut down your own tree: Totally not an activity for me, but if you’re interested in being one with Mother Nature for the holidays, try Buck Lodge Farm in Boyds, Maryland, where they actually supply you with the axe and the tools for cutting down your own tree. Again, sounds dangerous for me, but might be a good activity for some.
• See the Light Show at National Harbor: I’ve been and it’s well worth it. Again, if you’re allergic to the cold, stay home, but if you can man up and deal with it, National Harbor looks beautiful lit up for the holidays (the light show goes on every half hour until ten pm each evening). Plus, you can have dinner at Ketchup, which is Ashton Kutcher and Justin Timberlake’s restaurant (OHMYGAWDDD!!).
• Check out indoor snow: At the Gaylord National Resort at National Harbor. I’ve never been, nor do I know of anyone who has, but I heard about it on the radio and it sounds like something out of Dubai. There are ice sculptures, light displays, and tons of other fun things to make you feel Christmas-y. Because it must be pretty amazing to see real, indoor snow.
• Crash an office holiday party: But not mine! Wear your most fanciest holiday ensemble, show up either the Willoughby or JW Marriot on a random Friday night in December, and keep your Blackberry close so that you can Google fast facts about the company while you’re mingling with guests. It’s fun, a good way to meet people, and a way to get that Wedding Crashers-esque adrenaline rush in the process.
• Shop in Georgetown: And then get your picture taken with Santa in the Georgetown Mall. Be careful, though, and give yourself a budget ahead of time, or else you’ll be like me and empty your entire debit account.
• Adopt a family: Because the amount of money you’d spend to make an entire family’s Christmas special is the same that you’d spend on a night going to Josephine’s, anyway, so it’s only right. Check out www.jssa.org for information on how you can help make a family in need feel special during this holiday season. Because you’ve always got to give back.

So there you have it! Whether you’re dabbling in Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanza, or some other holiday this month, be sure to do it in Washington. Just don’t play that dreadful Joan Baez song in the process.

I Have Major Issues with the Jolie-Pitt's

Hot. International. World-renowned. Big Lips. Adoption. While these are definitely some of the things that come to mind when thinking about the Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt brood, I’ve come to terms with the fact recently that I have MAJOR issues with this all-star Hollywood family. And while I don’t take away from the fact that Santa Angelina travels and acts philanthropic in some of the most terrible places in the world, aside from serving as a role model in this regard, does very little in the child-rearing department. Her vagina has had little stress in ratio to the amount of children she’s had total, and while I do commend the family again for glamorizing adoption, have decided that the Jolie-Pitt family do some things in their family that are downright weird.


• They all sleep in a bed together- I’m definitely guilty of passing out next to my mom on a few occasions, but my dad and brother in the mix too?! Hell no! This reminds me of an episode of Sister Wives gone bad. Or, worse still, Michael Jackson’s Neverland.

• They dress Shiloh like a boy- Granted, if I had the genetic makeup of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, you could put poop on my face and I’d still look sexy. But this girl is going to have a complex! The butch hair cut? The cargo jeans? The fake weapon satchels? All that on a five year old, and she’s going to have some major confusion issues.

• They let their kids curse- Or so People Magazine says (my valuable sources). Such a WASPy move right here; if I ever said eff in my mother’s house, even at my current age, there would be Hell to pay. I understand they’re trying to cultivate some sort of “New Age” home life, but you still need to instill some kind of rules!

• They have six kids and aren’t married- I know I’m going to get tons of crap for this one. And I understand, things happen in life, and a child isn’t always a prerequisite for a marriage. But my personal views on having kids out of wedlock aside, you’d think once you had SIX kids together you’d consider tying the knot. What kind of selfish crap is that? Why cultivate this huge family if you can’t commit to each other? Whatevs.

• Angelina looks ana half the time- Which is going to cause her daughters to have weight complexes their entire lives. She needs a serious Happy Meal or else she’s going to instill an idea that it’s okay to be ninety five pounds.

• They don’t keep their kids in the same school for more than three months- I’m twenty-three, and hating being the new kid now! Some of my childhood friends continue to be my closest. Unless you’re in the military, a missionary, or in the circus, than there’s no reason to schlep your family from place to place like this.

• They let their eldest son play with real swords- Also says People Magazine. So who really knows. But if it’s true, that’s messed up.

If I were their keeper, Pax would take a bath, Shiloh would be in a dress, and I’d make sure that they were in an elementary school consistently for five years. Until then, continue being weirdos, Brad and Angela- but at least you’re doing good deeds in the meantime.

Holy Cow, Taylor Swift!

And we're not talking about the ones one your farm in the middle-of-nowhere Pennsylvania! No, Taylor's clearly been reading my blog, and in taking everything I've said about her under consideration (or in my dreams, at least), has morphed into a totally bangin' celeb! It's so funny what a little bit of bangs, lip plumper, fake eyelashes, and cleavage can do to totally metamorphosize one's look. This just goes to show you how anyone can be a bombshell, but you must first admit that you have the fashion emergency. And while I'm sure Playboy, Maxim, and whatever other magazines try to get girls to pose in their underwear will definitely be putting out countless offers after seeing her in these sex kitten smokey eyes, I'm sure Taylor will continue to maintain her squeeky-clean image to reinforce her love for her teeny bopper fan base (vom). But I'm so proud of her that she's put the effort in, to say the least. Though her flats, curls, and pearl earrings have irritated me for the past two years that she's been in the public eye, that 'Romeo & Juliet' song just sounds so much better now.

Providence isn't just for guidos anymore, people

And I can testify for that firsthand. After spending a night treading away from my usual Providence haunts such as Karta Bar, Monet, and just about anything on Federal Hill, I tried some new spots with some of my closest girlfriends tonight and noticed that all of the Pauly D lookalikes where nowhere to be found in any of them. It was truly refreshing to be in an atmosphere in which my leopard print pumps were an oddity and my sinuses weren't being clogged with expired Aqua Di Gio on just about every man in sight. But in reflecting further, the light bulb went off and I came to a truly astonishing revelation- not everything in Rhode Island epitomizes the guido lifestyle. Sure, things like Capriccio's, Mineral Spring Ave, and pretty much everything in Johnston will be characterized by the gelled back style, so to speak, but so many things to do in Rhode Island just don't look like they're a carbon copy of Jersey Shore anymore. Looking to expand your cultural lens next time you're in the Ocean State and not really in the mood to fist pump? Here are some nice rarities when you feel like mixing things up a little bit:

• The Black Pearl- This delicious eatery off of Thames Street in Newport has some of the best clamcakes in all of RI. Plus, its preppiness and old school style is the epitome of Newport's waspy culture.
• Feminine Fancies- Owned by a former high school classmate's mother, you won't be finding Ed Hardy or Sky in this adorable Barrington boutique. While it's not entirely my style, I've definitely found something, and there's great designer sales and a little something for everything.
• The Avery- Make sure you have your skinny jeans and high tops ready to go, because this Providence bar will have you feeling like a hipster in no time! If you fist pump here, rest assured that you WILL get dirty looks. 
• The Hope Club- This club for old men on the East Side that my grandfather use to be a part of during his life. I don't really understand it but know that it's totally not guido and something along the lines of The University Club. Great networking opportunities, if you will.
• The Wheeler School- Not looking to raise your kids in an atmosphere that doesn't have pimped out cars, kids with blow outs, or crazy school dances? Send them to The Wheeler School, a prep school in the heart of Providence that is complete with Lacoste and Volvos galore (and completely the opposite of everything I stand for as a human being).
• Oakland Beach- Because not everything on the non-guido list had to be classy. This Warwick beach by all means is not, but is in the heart of Warwick and definitely not comparable to Chair 2 (aka The Johnston Chair) at Scarbarough Beach.
• Cuban Revolution- Because what the frig kind of food to they honestly serve there?

There you have it. And while this list definitely took a little bit of extra effort, it definitely goes to show you that Providence really isn't just for guidos anymore. So whether you're a prepster, hipster, or skater, come together in the melting pot of a city that Providence is- and know that just because you don't have a tanning membership, doesn't necessarily mean that you'll forever be ostracized. 

Hello Kitty is STILL Hot!

On Monday night after work, my friend Cathy and I decided to indulge in some Korean barbeque after a long day of stress (not that I need anymore heavy meals before Thanksgiving on Thursday). While Honeypig was amazing as usual, it wasn’t until after our meal that she took me to the most adorable giftshop in Annandale- Little Thingamajigs, a girly store next to a Korean bakery featuring some of the most amazing Hello Kitty accessories I’ve seen under one roof. Let’s me honest; I’m neither nine years old or Kimora Lee Simmons, and definitely feel a little bit stupid at times indulging in my Hello Kitty obsession. But after the Rhode Island heiress Lauren Broccoli dubbed Sanrio’s sexy cat as chic, I felt inclined to buy everything I could at this store. After emptying my wallet on a lunchbox, key ring, tweezers, and stickers all tattooed by the cat’s presence, I decided I needed to know a little bit more about this defining cat of American and Asian pop culture. After much digging, there’s more substance to this kitty than you think; not only does she have an actual name, but is apparently good at baking cookies, as well (I can’t believe I’m actually articulating this). Here are some go-to fun facts about Hello Kitty to use the next time you’re trying to appear knowledgeable:


• Name: Kitty White
• Birthday: November 1, 1974
• Blood type: A
• Place of birth: Sanrio, Japan
• Height: That of five apples
• Weight: That of three apples
• Good at: Baking cookies
• Favorite food: Apple pie made by Mama (mum)
• Favorite word: "Friendship"
• Collects: Small cute things like sweets, stars, goldfish etc.
• Best school subjects: English, music and visual arts
• Description: A bright and kind-hearted girl, good at baking cookies and loves Mama's apple pie. Very close to her twin sister Mimmy.

Since 1974, Hello Kitty has been an icon celebrated by women of all ages around the world. She’s adorable, fun, and has even been transformed into expensive jewelry pieces and video games. Celebrate your inner child and do NOT be embarrassed to love Hello Kitty. And if I hear one more person tell me that they don’t understand what the big deal is, than obviously their height is not that of five apples.

Kissed by an Angel

Sometimes with death and tragedy, it’s so difficult to celebrate life, God, and all of the good energy that coincides within the memory of someone’s life. But on November 8th, 2010, nearly five hundred people helped in celebrating the life of the very girl who taught me how to put on fake eyelashes, add a color background and graphics on my AIM profile, do somersaults on the floor of Hendricken basketball games instead of the typical cheerleader back handsprings, and act as an ally in my very short career of prank calling (which was stopped fast, but that’s a whole other blog entry). Desiree Mesolella’s life was tragically ended in a drunk driving accident on June 23rd, 2008- she was nineteen years old. And while we often remember the funny, mischievous elements of Desiree’s personality that made us laugh on a daily basis, one thing that we often forget was her INSANELY TALENTED art abilities. Upon her death, her family began The Desiree Mesolella Art Scholarship- a program that awards two five thousand dollar scholarships to college-bound Rhode Island art students annually. And what better, more fabulous way to raise funds than host a shopping/lunch event at the very Rhode Island-esque Rhodes on the Pawtuxet in Cranston?!

At sixty dollars a ticket, women of all ages enjoyed shopping at various vendors, bidding on paintings by Desiree’s fellow artist colleagues that were painted on the spot, lunch, and raffles that got pretty competitive (Come on, where else BUT Rhode Island do women go crazy for a gorgeous, silver Tory Burch bag and gold Roberto Cavalli sunglasses?!?!). Even more excitingly, at twenty five dollars a ticket, you could take your chance on winning a pair of diamond earrings attached to a champagne class of pink leomonade (every glass had CZs attached, but only one the real diamonds). Aside from the aesthetics, the event was truly a reunion for me and many of my high school girlfriends, and I got to catch up with many who I really only was tied to because of Desiree.

But with any event in Rhode Island, there were several “only in Rhode Island” moments that have still had me laughing two weeks later. And as elegant as the event was, where else but Rhode Island would:

• The Olive Oil Basket giveaway raffle be filled to the brim with tickets?

• Women be wearing fur coats in fifty degrees?

• There be on site hair extension demonstrations (which, yes, I did take part in)?

• Nona’s Kitchen, the Italian cooking public access television show in Rhode Island, be the most popular booth?

• Leopard print be the accent on the event’s aesthetic design (A+ for this idea)?
All in all, the event was a huge hit, and not only captured Desiree’s spirit, but brought women of all ages who simply loved fabulosity, high heels, and everything that makes being a woman fun. Because even when life is over, you really always can still paint the town leopard in spirit.
Check out www.desilee.org for information about Kissed by an Angel and The Desiree Mesolella Art Scholarship.

The Gibson

Want to feel like you’re in a hipster version of The Great Gatsby (AKA my FAVORITE novel of all time)? I’m sure this is old news to many, but if you have yet to go, The Gibson is truly a mixologist’s dream. Located next to Marvin’s in the heart of U Street, The Gibson has no sign, colors, or aesthetics on the outside; like a 1920’s speakeasy, you simply have to knock on the door and hope that someone answers. And, usually, they do, but be sure to heed with casual- the hosts usually know that entry is very desirable, and their elitism has been known to make me go very North Providence on them. But despite this one shortcoming, the inside is sexy, romantic, and truly has a flare that you’re somewhere secret and forbidden. And, with alcohol being a hot commodity and rarity in the 1920s time period, it takes a similar characteristic here, with drink prices up to $18. Ignore the drink menu and take advantage of the fab bartenders- I usually go and just sit at the bar, tell them I love moscato or anything that’s very sugary, and they make me something unique and perfect. My only FYI is to be SURE you make a reservation. While it is a bar, there’s no standing room only here. And eat ahead of time- while there are munchies and hors d’oeurves, there is nothing close to anything that would legitimately fill me up for the evening. But the next time you’re looking for the chill date spot, or are walking by Marvin’s and wondering what the hell the grey garage-looking building is next door, remember that The Gibson is truly a gem in the Capital.

Lauren Conrad? Oves.

Lauren Conrad taking the runway in a
black maxi dress that I could probably
find at Old Navy for $12.

I’m not obsessed with fashion. But I do love great pieces, Sky shirts, Pleasure Doing Business Skirts, and virtually anything that makes my waist look skinny and my boobs look half decent. But one thing I can’t stand are these people who claim themselves as fashionistas with very little original acclaim. Though I would never wear half the crap that Lady Gaga, Iman, Victoria Beckham, or Gwen Stefani wear, the uniqueness and forward nature of all of their ensembles make them stand out in a crowd and allow them to compete in a league of their own. Someone who peeves my in this area? Lauren Conrad- You’re hot, I loved your shows, you seem very genuine, and because of your straight hair I got a Brazilian blowout. HOWEVER, stop claiming yourself as this trendsetter/fashion icon! The Lauren Conrad Collection is nothing more than overpriced Splendid, and you put together “original looks” that look like you went into Bloomingdales and pulled off the very outfit that the Marc Jacobs mannequin was wearing. I’m not trying to hate, but I just don’t think she should pose herself as a mogul of something which she is NOT. Even more, what’s wrong with just being California cool? She should move away from this image of trying to pose as this “fashionista” and pimp out MTV and reality television for all it’s worth. I’m sure she’s a lovely girl. I’m just ready to poke the next person in the eye who comes close to referring to her as a fashion icon.  

Forget Hugh Hefner! It's All About Kody Brown.

They’ve taken over TLC, PerezHilton.com, and probably the registry at every single Pottery Barn Kids in Utah. But if you still haven’t heard of Sister Wives, you’ve probably fallen off of the face of the Earth. When I first heard of the polygamy-based reality television series, I thought, Is this Girls Next Door all over again minus the palm trees and the breast implants? But I was wrong. Sister Wives, featuring advertising exec Kody Brown and his four wives Meri (the first one), Janelle (the career one, who kind of resembles Mrs. Clause), Christine (the sassy sister), and Robyn (the hot, young wife) is a candid approach to a lifestyle that still exists among approximately 38,000 Americans, most of them Mormon. And minus the fact that they live together in adjoining suites within a giant house, and Kody rotates his time with each of the wives, they all go through the challenges of any other family out there; The teenagers dye their hair crazy colors, they fret over what to make for dinner, the kids fight with one another, and they debate over financial priorities. And they’re not exactly FLDS Prairie-looking women either; While Robyn’s wedding gown was not my first choice, the women dress like modest, career-forward American women.


While polygamy is still very illegal in Utah, Kody has recently be caught under fire, and may even go to jail for his polygamous lifestyle (despite the fact that he’s only legally married to Meri, his first wife). And while the family said that they decided to do the program to show to the rest of America that they were like any other family, they’ve been under fire and big pimpin’ Kody could be locked up forever.

And you know what? While you would NEVER catch me as a sister wife, and would strongly discourage my children from taking part in this lifestyle, I’m a pro-choice girl and feel that this family should be able to live however they’d like. If they’re fostering their children in an environment of love and acceptance (many of the children don’t want to be a polygamist lifestyle when they’re older and speak openly about this), I think that families should be able to live however the hell they want. Why are we locking up Kody Brown when there are plenty of monogamous families out there who embody abuse, addiction, and adultery in their homes? In a country like the United States where we foster the ideals of diversity, I don’t understand why we are so scared to accept an alternative lifestyle on the opposite end of the spectrum.

But whether you believe in it or not, there’s no dying that Sister Wives is an addictive show- or that Kody Brown is the biggest pimp daddy in all of Utah.

Think Pink in DC this Month

A year and a half ago, my Whole Foods-eating, 5K-running, Ralph Lauren-wearing mother got the family together to tell us some crazy news:

"I'll be getting a tummy tuck and breast implants in three months".

I gave her a huge hug, smiled, and congratulated her in finally converting to my world of cosmetic alterations. But when she looked at my brother and I glassy-eyed, I knew that there was more to come. She explained that she was looking into a procedure to have fat removed from her stomach and moved to her breast cavities, since she had been diagnosed with DCIS breast cancer, a rare form of breast cancer that would force her to have both of her breasts removed. I cried, but stayed strong more my mom, because I knew that she would need me for the next year. And she did. It was tough; My dad and I tried to cheer her up, bought her sexy lingerie post-surgery to get her excited for the implants to come, and constantly made all of the "cancer-schmancer" jokes to make whatever light was left to be had of the situation. Though it was a crazy year and a half battle, and she dealt with several surgeries, I'm proud to say that all of the tears payed off- Joan Panichas-Milas is now a cancer survivor, and though she hates all of the "pink ribbon crap" as she puts it, I always remind her that the pink ribbon is there to comfort every tear that's shed for women everywhere who have been plagued by membership to the cancer club.
But there is hope, support, and wonderful stories of trial and tribulation that help breast cancer patients stay strong, and with October being breast cancer awareness month, there are some awesome ways in the District to get involved and help save the ta-ta's everywhere:

• Participate in the Komen 5K Race for the Cure. You'll get exercise, an adorable pink boa, and bond with survivors, supporters, and so many powerful men and women affected by the disease.
• Upload a photo of you in your favorite pink attire to 69-second.org, a site that donates to breast cancer for every picture uploaded
• Check out the Zumbathon and Pink for Pilates at Vida Verizon Center on October 30th! For $25, take part in 2 hours worth of pilates or 2 hours of Zumba, all supporting awareness (while checking out some of the hottest gays at Vida, duh).
• Join GoPinkDC for a line dancing and rowing event on October 23rd downtown. For a small donation, enjoy a day of fun events with these spunky survivors and supporters.  
• Check out the Breastival at the American University Campus on October 17th. With great giveaways and excellent information on site, you'll want every festival to be a breastival from then on!

Know anyone dealing with breast cancer right now? Don't let them give up. If my mom made it through, anyone can, and by supporting these events, you'll providing a shoulder for people in these positions to lean on. So whether you dye your hair Kelly Osborne style or paint your toes Malibu Barbie style, thinking pink is totally in this month. 

Zeno: Hot Spot for Acne

Because there's nothing hot about pimples, let's be honest. And not to sound like Joan Rivers in an infomercial, but this product will truly change your life. Wake up in the morning with a disgusting whitehead on the middle of your face? Well, you'll have to put some cover-up on it and deal with it for the entire day at work and hope that people are talking to you and not staring at your face. But in the evening, use the Zeno, an electronic device that actually kills bacteria while massaging the spot and removing in within hours. The reaction IS extremely red for the time immediately following using the product, which is why it's imperative to avoid using it before you're going out. But, if you use it before bed, wake up the next morning to clear skin- which, I might add, a lot of products promote but don't actually do. And what's more, with Whitney Port's celebrity endorsement on the product's home page? Damn, if one of The Hills' girls are using it, you know I'll buy it faster than you can say O-M-G. But regardless if you Team Lauren or Team Whitney, the Zeno is $40, can be purchased at any drug store, and will miraculously remove your pimps. Because pimples aren't sexy.

Tim Gunn in DC?

I know I'm about a week overdue, but I forgot to mention that one of the most fabulous gays from the entertainment world took to his hometown the past week to raise some money for the GLTS community in DC. And with the recent tragedies in the media surrounding the gay community, there's so better to show that the bigots out there have got to just "make it work" (as Mr. Gunn himself would say on Project Runway). A DC native himself, Tim got behind the bar at one of Logan Circle's finest establishments, Mova (formally known as Halo), as he whipped up some of the best cocktails including delicious banana martinis and strawberry kir royales; He concluded the night even coming up with his own vodka cocktail, known as "Gunning Your Special". And while I'm sure styling and designing is definitely more of his forte, from what I heard, his mixology (and drinking) abilities were a forced to be reckoned with, as well. Don't you just wish that the well-dressed, personable, and rich ones were straight sometimes?

Check out Blade.com, DC's online gay magazine, for an exclusive on-site interview with Tim Gunn at Mova last Monday. http://www.washingtonblade.com/2010/09/28/bravos-tim-gunn-at-mova/

'Catfish' makes my Facebook stalking seem normal...

If you haven't seen Catfish yet, then you're not living. Tonight, my brother who is in town from Philly and I thought we'd steer clear of the typical Halloween slasher movies, and instead, saw the independent documentary flick that still has me in awe. Having gotten positive reviews from Perez, Rolling Stone, and all other relatively credible news sources, this movie has a unique plot twist, eerie scenes, and an end that will make you say OMG. Without giving too much away, the movie is set in 2008, when three New York-based cinematographers document the relationship of their friend and a family that he had been in correspondence with via Facebook for the past year. A sudden turn of events leads the three guys to research the truth in the family's actual existence and crazy things begin to be uncovered.
Now, I can't talk too much smack on the movie's subject, since I probably Facebook stalk way more than I should on a daily basis (ex-boyfriends, beware). But, the entertainment, creativity, and fact that everything in this movie is true will freakin' blow your mind. Bring your boo or your girls, order a huge popcorn, and then be prepared to reconsider what you're doing on Facebook from your cubicle at work every day.

I jumped out of an airplane!

With Lindsay Lohan in and out of jail, muddling with cocaine and meth, and spending the majority of her time in faux-lesbian relationships and trashy LA nightclubs, I truly believe that had she tried this on for size five years ago when she entered Hollywood, she would have gotten an adrenaline rush more intense than the best blow she could have gotten her hands on. And, with that being said and after an incredible weekend, I can endorse that sky-diving is officially the greatest anti-drug out there.

Let me go back to how this all began, when I was drinking Sex on the roof of the double, and after my third glass, my friend Vanessa leaned over to me and asked if I’d like to go skydiving with her in three weeks. Having little inhibitions during this conversation, Vanessa booked the sky diving appointment on the spot, and there was no turning back.
I’ve always loved roller coasters and fast cars, but jumping out of a plane?! I don’t think I’ve had more anxiety over anything in my entire life (and you’re talking to Xanax’s best friend right here, I won’t even lie about that).
Rocking out to some Slightly Stoopid and Sublime to soothe me all the way there, we cruised to Warrentown, Virginia, about an hour and a half outside of the city, and to be honest, I’m surprised that the guy from Texas Chainsaw Massacre didn’t attack us on the side of the road. But after arriving, shaking as I put on my cheerleading sneakers from Junior year of high school, I met a family of sky-divers at Capitol City Sky Dive, a family-run company with so much Southern hospitality that I was put at ease immediately. After the owner giving us a quick ten minute demo of how to arch our back during free-fall and his three-year-old grand daughter following along, he mentioned that he’d done over seven thousand sky dives to date! Out of nervousness, I jumped on the opportunity to be the first one to go up in the plane, since we’d be going one by one due to the plane’s small size.
Aren’t a fan of small jumper planes? This sport is NOT for you (sorry, Mom). On a slightly scary note, I will add that the plane was filled with duck tape and totally rickety, but knowing I would jump out after the longest ten minute flight to 10,000 feet of my life didn’t have me worrying about the poor plane conditions. My tandem jumper made light conversation with me, sensing my nervousness. At ten thousand feet, the plane stopped, and probably the scariest moment of my entire life occurred. The side door opened, and there I was, sitting with my feet on a small foot stool, with the winds going so fast against my face. Knowing that I would be jumping was surreal; if God was ever with me at any point during my life, it was at that moment, SERIOUSLY. And then I was told we’d rock back and forth, and on the third rock, we’d somersault head first out of the plane.
In my fake eyelashes and cubic zirconia studs, I free falled one thousand feet in ten seconds and the feeling was indescribable. Despite my apprehensions, my stomach didn’t drop for a single second. There have been roller coasters that I’ve done that have been legitimately scarier. But it was AMAZING; I felt like Superman, somersaulting and tumbling down for a full minute at speeds of one hundred forty miles per hour. And then, after three minutes, the parachute opened, we hopped up two hundred feet, and then, silence. After experiencing the greatest intensity of my life, I then felt like I was on a subliminal parasailing adventure, catching views of the beautiful Shenandoah Mountains.
“Do your boobs hurt?” The instructor asked me in his redneck-y accent, totally killing the mood of my relaxation, as the harness across the chest is known to be uncomfortable for females. We glided down, and he even let me steer my way all two thousand feet to the bottom. The landing was easy, graceful, and felt as if I was in some kind of pilates position. Lesson learned; suck it up, jump out of a plane, and DO IT! It’s horrifying and will probably give you the greatest anxiety of your life, but it’s all worth it. Just make sure you’re wearing a sexy outfit for the pictures!

Chelsea Handler was a Dud

I know this is old news, but with my job, internship, pageant coaching, cocktail waitressing, and social calendar always filling up, blogging can sometimes be a tough task to accomplish. Plus, if they choice is whether to go to Vida and get a great yoga workout or sit on my coach, blog, and eat Pirate’s Booty I’d stick with the first at the risk of getting obese and losing all of my friends. But, for the record, I am thoroughly disappointed and let down by my idol, Chelsea Handler, and her recent VMA hosting gig.

Her usually sarcastic, straight-forward, and raunchy humor makes me envious; I actually have gotten irritated watching her before because her jokes are so good that I actually get jealous of her ability. Her books are hilarious; who knew having sex with a midget could be such an adventure? But in the midst of all of this, Chels just didn’t live up to my expectations in her hosting abilities.
The hot tub vignette with the Jersey Shore cast? Wackkk. The hate on Gaga’s crazy outfits? Overkill. But most of all, it was her constant reference to the Kayne\Taylor beef that occurred last year, which is so over, I’m sure they’ve apologized already, and honestly, should not even be given another ten seconds for what it’s worth. Plus, why are we making jokes about Lindsay Lohan’s alcoholism and performing skits with her? To me, La Loca’s hot mess is not a laughing matter.
On the flip side, Chels looked HOT. I loved all of her outfit choices, and truly thought she looked great. With most of the good females comedians not exactly looking like they can afford the celebrity amenities that I’m sure their budgets can handle in the looks department (Margaret Cho or Roseann Barr, anyone?), she pulled herself together nicely and looked like one of the stars who she’d normally be making fun of. I just wished she was funnier, dammit.

The W Hotel Rocks my Socks

Everyone’s hating on the W these days, but it’s still one of my favorite outdoor spots in the District. From their delicious mojitos to the amazing view of the White House, I feel like this spot is perfect for the autumn happy hour. I love the décor and knowing that every time that I go I’ll be sure to see some kind of wannabe DC socialite, and in my opinion, it’s places like those that are the most comical to frequent. Whether you’d like a great place of filet mignon at J&G or would rather just bask in the mod chandeliers, try this place as a DC escape. I will say, however, that I take great issue in the lameness of the answering services that employees have. Instead of saying the standard “leave a message after the beep”, I was told “to leave my who, what, where, and when” which had me thinking, what the frig kind of place am I calling right now?! But aside from trying to fulfill some sort of Nuevo-riche standard, you may catch a professional athlete, and to me, that’s totally worth it. It’s also described as one of the top ten spots for “singles” (a word that mildly grosses me out and makes it sound like creepy internet dating), so just a huge FYI if you’re going here to meet your newest mate.


So screw you haters who don’t like the W, think it’s getting too young, too black, or too trendy. This is Washington DC; a young adult city with a majority black population. If you have a problem with that, buy some North Face and move to Boston.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Since the Harry Potter series, there have been very few books in which I have been on the edge of my seat and have stayed up all night with my reading light on in order to finish it. J to the K (though Harry’s looking quite hot these days). But to reiterate what I’m sure is on everyone’s reading agenda, Stieg Larsson’s The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, along with the other two books in his murder mystery trilogy, are probably some of the best works I’ve read in a while. Although lengthy, the easy reading, mysterious settings, and racy subject matters will keep you on the edge of your seat and begging for the next seductive chapter. And for all of the boys out there who say that these are girly books, think again- there is absolutely NOTHING Carie Bradshaw-esque about these reads. Still not sold? Here are my reasons why these books are the bomb:


• They take place in Sweden- AKA the best looking and one of my favorite countries in all of Europe (if you go, check out the Ice Lounge in Stockholm). And don’t schlep it if you visit. Though it’s not Paris or Milan, the French or Italian have nothing on these women.

• Blomquist seems like he’d be hot in person. He has promiscuous relationships, is a troubled writer, and can fight crime- sounds like a hot, Swedish Johnny Depp if you ask me.

• The shock value is intense. I love reading things that make me say, did that really just happen!? And in these books, it does. Plus, a great deal of it is pretty X-rated which makes it all the more juicy.

Don’t be a loser and read what everyone else has been into these days. Plus, you’ll want to check it out before they make the American movie so you can decide if Angelina Jolie or Kristen Stewart should play Lisbeth Salandar…like that’s even a question!

Paint Raleigh/Durham Leopard!!

A little over a year ago, my father was laid off of his job as Chief Compliance Officer at a pharmaceutical sales company outside of Boston. At first, it was scary and totally scorned our family (How would we pay for college? Would we have to sell our home? Will we have a panic attack having Mathew in the house for long periods during the day?). But after being hired again for a similar company in Raleigh, North Carolina, adding North Carolina to my list of homes away from homes has been a huge adventure in and of itself. Sure, I still don't understand the appeal in pick up trucks and get funny looks when people hear my voice, but have really developed an appreciation for the whole ideal of Southern hospitality. Not to mention, Raleigh has a fun down town area with great housing, killer restaurants, and a night life, that in lieu of fist-pumps, has some of the best looking group of people I've ever seen in my life. You may not get Van Buren house beats that you'd get at Lima but Raleigh is definitely worth exploring if you get a chance to venture down South. And, with the easy, four hour drive from the Capital, there's no excuse not to. Here are some of my favorite spots in downtown Raleigh:

• The Foundation: A Gibson-like underground bar with a speakeasy environment that whips up some of the most creative concoctions in the entire downtown. Plus, they even make their own specialty sodas! (Very SEI of them)
• The Pit: You might as well be anorexic for the entire week before you hit this Southern eatery, which is also a favorite of Man vs. Food and Bobby Flay. As one of the most famous BBQ restaurants in the downtown area, you'll need a reservation (and a juice cleanse on order for the week after).
• Sono: A delicious sushi restaurant with a great lounge scene. Plus, I've never been able to get great sushi for as cheap in the District as I've been able to at this place. Be weary of the Sake bombs. 
• The Mint: Want fine dining smack in the middle of downtown? Treat yourself or make someone else treat you to these Southern fare infused with modern day American grille. 
• The Hive: Raleigh's version of a club/lounge. It's that bar where all of the young college girls go to make older guys buy drinks for them, dance, and all around see and be seen. Just be weary of the head bartender who has a type writer tattooed on his chest; I kept calling him "Type A" and he refused to serve me.  

Craziest Tattoos Ever

I love tattoos; but for me, mostly just the subtle, tacky, tramp-stampy ones that no one can see unless you’re going to the beach. I got my first (waves on my left hip) on my eighteenth birthday, and my second (stars on my pelvis) when one of my closest friends, Talia, decided that she wanted to get a heart on her stomach but didn’t want to do it all alone. I also have an anchor in white on my wrist (which no one notices, and is a symbol for not only Rhode Island, but Delta Gamma, my sorority), and a beautiful sun on my hip which my mother made me promise to get done with her the day that she became cancer free. With every tattoo, there’s a special meaning or connection, and while you’ll never see me with the word ‘Cadillac’ down my side like some other Rhode Island guidos, I haven’t written off the idea of adding to my collection. And although I love when a guy has a sleeve (under the one condition that he has biceps) or some kind of symbol on his shoulder, like all good things, definitely think that this ancient form of art has the potential to go to far. After searching the internet for the latest piece to add to my canvas (AKA some fat part of my body so it doesn’t hurt), I stumbled upon some craziness that totally made me rethink the definition of tattoos altogether.

Can you believe a Scandinavian woman really
did this to her tounge?

These crazies in jail thought it'd be a good idea to tattoo
their eyeballs. Because I'm sure those needles are clean...

Can you believe this guy got a tattoo on the roof of his
mouth?

His parents must be so proud.

I'm completely obsessed with Gaga too, but this takes it
to a whole new level.

When you want it to be Halloween every day.

OMG it's DC Beer Week 2010!!!

I never thought the day would come that I would be promoting something like this, but you’re living in a box if you haven’t heard about DC Beer Week. Showcasing some of the best breweries in the DC area, the annual celebration has happy hours and tastings that will make your wallet lighter and your fupa bigger, but are entirely worth it. Many people don’t know that beer is just as complicated and intricate on the wallet as wine, and that it too compliments food and cheeses; this week is your perfect week as a Washingtonian to check out something new, and take your boyfriend to a cultural event in the city that he actually won’t complain about attending. Some of the highlights worth attending?




Friday August 20th

DC Beer Week Kick-Off Event at the Rock and Roll Hotel Presented by Washington City Paper & Nerd Nite DC

http://dc.nerdnite.com/

Including craft beers and music pairings and featuring:

Beer Director Greg Engert of ChurchKey, Founder & Brewer Brian Strumke of Stillwater Artisanal Ales, Tracy Jill Doty from the NIH, Cobra Collective, New Rock Church of Fire and many more.

Monday – Wednesday

Elliot in the Morning presents “DC Beer Week” in studio. Learn about some of your favorite beers on your awful commute to work in the morning. Thinking about that Belgian ale just may do the trick to get you through the day.

Tuesday August 24th

Kramerbooks & Afterwords Cafe “Brooklyn Brawl” Beer and Cheese Tasting. (6-9 pm) Though I find this place overpriced most of the time, they’re hosting Brooklyn’s very own Craft Brewery, pairing everything appropriately with cheeses. Go to power yoga at Vida first, like I am, to justify everything.

H Street Country Club Harpoon Pints for Putts – I don’t know how much golfing and beer works out, but seeing as I’m iffy about both, it really isn’t the activity for me.

Star and Shamrock with He’brew Ales “Brisket & Brews” – Because what Irish bar doesn’t like beer?

Wednesday August 25th

Brasserie Beck introduces Devin Arloski from Latis imports from 7pm-9pm. I think that this place has the best beer menu in the District, and though expensive, is uniquely paired with fine dining cuisine.

Troegs takeover at The Red and The Black. Glassware giveaway, Mad Elf in the Summer, Troegs Band, guaranteed fun.

SpeakeasyDC, Washington City Paper and The Devils Kitchen are teaming up to present Fermented: A Night of True Tales About Beer. Doors 6:30pm, Show 8-10pm. $15/Person http://www.speakeasydc.com/2010/08/fermented-a-night-of-true-tales-about-beer/

Lagunitas night at Palace of Wonders: glassware give-a-ways, Lil Sumpin Sumpin, Dogtown Pale & Lucky 13 Imperial red

Churchkey’s Heavy Seas Oak Cask & Firkin Bonanza. Probably one of the other best breweries in DC. So many selections; Go for the tart and funky section of the menu to try a vinegar inspired beer.

DC Bread and Brew presents Lagunitas Beer Dinner. Six beers and Six Plates featuring Hop Stupid, Little Sumpin, Censored Ale, IPA, Czech Pilsner and Dog Town Pale Ale. $50/person. Call 202-466-2676 for reservations

District Chop House – Meet Brewer, Barrett Lauer, and enjoy tours of the brewery along with half price beers at one of the Nation’s Capital’s finest Brew Pubs. Plus, Medi, the GM, is a good friend of mine!



Thursday August 26th

District Pour House and Coney Island Lagers take you from NY to Boston. Jeremy from Shmaltz Brewing Company will be there talking and throwing beer around while the kitchen is batting up some lobster rolls.

Biergarten Haus presents Reissdorf Kolsch Firkins Night With Bill Catron. 7:00pm

Meridian Pint and Schlafly brewing company present Dan Kopman Co-Founder and Brew Master of St. Louis Brewing. Special rare tastings of Schlafly beers paired with unique offerings from the Merid2ian Pints wonderful kitchen.

The Reef presents “Rogue Ales Oyster Fest”

3,000 Oysters, 3 Shuckers, 3 Levels, 7 great beers from Rogue Ales! What could be better? Plus, if the weather’s nice, you can enjoy yourself on the roof and feel like you’re not in Adams Mo.

Friday August 27th

The Black Squirrel – Get yourself to Adam’s Morgan and meet the brewer of Flying Dog and drink some local beer made by local folks.

Vera Bradley=WOOF!

Somewhere in the midst of working in my little cubicle yesterday with Venti chai in hand, someone asked me if there were ever things that I found to be "totally un-leopard". After being flattered and figuring out how I was going to patent the phrase, they went on to explain how my blog showcases all different things-clothes, restaurants, beauty techniques, etc- that I find to be categorically savvy and amazing, but, aside from two rants about my disdain for Intermix, have absolutely nothing that demonstrates what I find to be completely out. I thought about this all day, until a single pattern continuously snuck up on my everywhere I went.
Nearly hurting my eyes each time I saw it gracing the presence on someone's gym bag or key chain, I realized that, close to "Goach" bags (AKA the disgustingly awful Coach knock-offs that replace the 'c' with a 'g'... hello, you really thought that you took people by surprise?), there is easily nothing in the word that nauciates me more than Vera Bradley ANYTHING.
No offense to her, because I'm sure she's a very nice, church-going lady, but her designs are an absolute nightmare. Started in 1982 by Patricia Polito Miller, her and a friend decided, while waiting for a flight in Atlanta (figures) that there was "no feminine options for luggage" (had I been born, she would have seen my leopard print luggage and this nightmare of a fashion line would have ceased to exist) and took on designing totes, wallets, cosmetic cases, cell phone covers, and just about anything else that has the capacity to make everything in your personal space look like your grandmother's table cloth just threw up on you.
Well, props for you for trying. But, honestly, everything made here just looks like total poo-poo. It is totally uncreative, sewn in cheap cotton, has no sparkles on it, shows more paisley then I ever knew existed, and are designed in the most blase color schemes I have ever seen in my life. Ladies, stay away from this designer if you have any dignity. Until she comes out with leather and embellishments on her designs, Vera Bradley is totally OUT in my book. Unless you're pretending to be a Nana for Halloween.

DC Restaurant Week 2010

Forget the diet this week! Like every year in the District, restaurants are putting out three course menus for lunch and dinner, all showcasing prime selections from their overall fare. Whether you decide to use it as an excuse to make your boo take you on a date, or decide to do it Sex & The City-style and dine with girlfriends, you can enjoy a fabulous lunch at most DC hotspots for $20.10, and have a four course dinner for $35.10 (the ten cents representative of the current year...yes, it took me a second, too). Save your pennies, kids; It only comes once a year, and for the week, you can dine like a fancy pants on a plebe budget. But don't get too excited- Some restaurants are offering significantly better choices than others (or so I've heard through the grape vine). Below are the DC eateries that are supposedly outstanding for this year's Restaurant Week celebration:

• Rasika: Excellent Indian cuisine with large entres that accommodate an array of palates. However, this is NOT the type of place you'll want to go to if you're looking to have a romantic night in afterwards... we all know what happens when you eat too much curry. 
• Tosca: Go for the sea bass tartar or the saffron ravioli. Plus, it's super expensive here, so you can take advantage of an affordable price for the week.
• Cafe Atlantico: I know I always recommend this place, so if you have yet to go, now's the time! Try the roasted beets, portobello mushrooms, or fresh guacamole. Plus, the atmosphere is beautiful  and the waiters are all Latin (=hot).
• Blue Duck: AKA Obama's favorite restaurant. Though all of the reservations are already taken, you just may be able to finagle sneaking yourself in there. This classic fare is amazing, but beware;  filled with all old business men, you might be at risk of meeting your future sugar daddy. 
• Zaytinya: Because what's better than Greek food? Try small tapas and filling larger plates in the midst of an interior decorated like a Mykonos on steroids. The beef tartar is my favorite, along with the 'avgolemeno', or lemon chicken soup. 
• SEI: Not only will you get to try excellent sushi rolls and phenomenal entres, but will receive a liquid amuse to compliment the dish that you select at this Japanese-fusion eatery. 

What to stay away from?

• Teatro Goldoni: And this doesn't apply only during Restaurant Week. I've created a post about good DC Italian cuisine, and Teatro? No way. 
• Mie N Yu: Though I love it here, the restaurant week menu is ridiculous and entirely limited. Plus, aren't you supposed to showcase the best items that your restaurants have to offer? I feel like they gave me their scraps here. 
• Rosa Mexicano: Another place I love usually, but decided to have a boring, limited Restaurant Week menu. 
• Butterfield 9: Countless complaints about poor service. And let me tell you; I was a waitress for over two years. I know how it goes. It's restaurant week, servers! Drink a five hour energy, take an adderol, and suck it up!

Regardless, take advantage of exposing yourself to a spot that you wouldn't normally have an opportunity to. While I'll be enjoying RIS with girlfriends for lunch this week, I'll also be having deja vu and serving at my old stomping grounds that needs extra support for the wild weekend. And I'm sure gorging myself on sushi in the process. Hey, it's Restaurant Week, and no diets are allowed!

White Water Tubing, Anyone?

I always like trying new things, but this Saturday, I really went above and beyond. After being coaxed into a Saturday afternoon activity with all of my colleagues, I never knew that River Rapids, a tubing facility on the river on Harper's Ferry, West Virginia, would totally kill my body this bad and twist my shoulder worse than you'd ever imagine. But while I opted out on the camping experience that everyone else participated in afterwards (I'm sorry, camping's just not my thing), I got my full three hundred sixty degree experience of Mother Nature on the Shenandoah. And while most people forget that an hour outside of DC is pickup trucks and Confederate Flag tattoos, I got to witness all of this and even got to take home algae in my bathing suit bottoms as a souvenir being the one person in our group that fell off of their inner tube.
The logistics? For $50, you too can rent an inner tube and be school bussed off to the mouth of the Shenandoah. But don't expect a lazy river experience; Though you'll have a tube with you filled with booze and snacks, you'll also make your way through white water rapids and see some of the local wildlife (thank God I was three cocktails deep when I saw the garden snake), but be prepared, because I was well over it after only about one hour of the four. Some fun memories from my day in West Virginia?

• My general all-around anxiety upon crossing over onto the West Virginia state lines. I'm sorry if you're from there, and I've only been on one other occasion, but the state is just not for me. Period. But the mountains are really pretty to look at, FYI. 
• The fact that I was told we were required to wear footwear with our bathing suits last minute, and the only appropriate ones I had (after my idea of Grecian sandals was nixed) were my eleventh grade Hendricken Hawks white cheerleading sneakers. Man, did I look sexy!
• When I got lost from the group at one point, was tubing at a rapid speed over rocks, and a garden snake leaped out of the water and hissed at my in front of my face. Upon shrieking, a nice woman in Teva sandals told me "to relax, they're friendly animals". Whatevs. 
• The fact that I decided to breast stroke kick on my tube while laying on my stomach. All with white sneakers on, I might add. 
• The great picnic we all had on a dirt patch next to some rock. We figured that we were almost done so decided to have some treats to celebrate out survival. Little did we know that the halfway point was only up in front of us. 
• Everyone told me to bring alcohol. Instead, I brought one bottle of Malibu. So, out of desperation, much of the tubing down the river consisted of people passing off the handle to one another. Needless to say, the boys weren't very happy. 
• When I went home to shower, there was a maple leaf stuck to my bum. TMI, I know, but it goes to show you how truly one with nature you are when you decide to white water tube. 

Though I don't think I'll be partaking in this again anytime soon, it was definitely a fun experience. For an hour and a half, that is. 

Check out River Riders, the tubing company in Harpers Ferry, West Virginia, at www.riverriders.com. Packages for tubing start at $50 a person. 

The Conference Room

This past Saturday night, after laying around and staring at the wall all afternoon after a long night the evening before, two of my favorite people in the world dragged me for an evening that brought me to one of DC’s latest hot spots that has yet to be unveiled in the social circuit throughout DC. After enjoying cocktails and sushi in the lounge at Oya (which I hope that my entire home looks like one day, just as an FYI), a group of us went to The Donovan House in Dupont Circle, one of the trendiest hotels in the city with a delicious restaurant in the lobby (ZenTen) and a great rooftop pool and bar area. But having just has a Kertain Brazilian treatment straightener in my hair only two days prior and a downpour of rain starting to ruin the party on the roof, a manager took us downstairs to an amazing venue that has yet to blow up in DC; Renovating a posh white-on-white banquet space into an intimate lounge with a house DJ and bar-and, of course, a very big bouncer keeping the overly inebriated people out at the door- I was in for a treat in this new space that kept my hair dry and my body hydrated with champagne.

Naturally named “The Conference Room”, this second floor lounge on the second floor of the Donovan House is small, edgy, and European in demeanor (which means I love it, because I love anywhere that makes me feel like I’m in Europe for even five seconds) is filled with chaise lounges that still allow you to fist-pump without the full-fledged dance floor of a nightclub. And if you’re not into DeadMau5 or Tiesto, get out quick; this place is definitely a house music haven. But with excellent bottle specials, an intimate setting, and a more low-key vibe for a Saturday night when you’d like to relax but still be social, throw on a Sky dress and enjoy The Conference Room, the Donovan House’s new upscale lounge on the second floor. And, you won’t have to worry about getting pushed into the rooftop pool after too many shots of Patron.

Leaked Gaga!

Lady Gaga paints the town leopard.

Since Perez is best friends with her and wants to make sure that her new album doesn't make its big reveal before its due date in early 2011, I've taken it upon myself to go on You Tube to listen to all of the amazing Lady Gaga tracks for her new, untitled album. Though you can only listen to them on YouTube.com, entertain yourself at work this week and get into the new Gagalicious-ness.

• "Then You'd Love Me" It reminds me of Cascada meets Ace of Base, and brings me to a Prague nightclub every time I listen to it. Definitely single-worthy. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qp9-npU0Cto
• "Blueberry Kisses" A little bit of ska combined by Squirrel Nut Zippers nuevo-swing and piano rock 'n' roll. Amazing and definitely a different sound then we're used to. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iIN6bksdufs
• "Glitter and Grease" It reminds me of a Britney track. Not my favorite, but I think it has the potential to be a single for sure. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcODCcLkhzI&feature=related
• "Put Your Paws Up" Super futuristic and one of the musical interludes on The Monster Ball tour. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_2c0TGaOPE&feature=related
• "Ribbons" Who knew safe sex could be so adorable? Probably my favorite track, in which Gaga raps, and encourages boys to "wrap their presents up in pretty, pretty ribbons". http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_2c0TGaOPE&feature=related
• "Changing Skies" Also very futuristic. I'm not entirely crazy about it, but it might catch on with me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnkmDpp0j-Y
• "Second Time Around" Very traditional and poppy. I'm not sure whether it's a B-track or going on the new album, but it's nevertheless good. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8c7PZqLobg&feature=related
• "You and I" A rock 'n' roll ballad that she's been performing live at her concerts. Definitely an instant classic, and very Elton John-y. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSFMppdYwJc

I figured everyone would want to enjoy these masterpieces as much as I've been. Just be sure to wrap it up in pretty ribbons. 

Jersey Shore 2 Party at Velocity 5 Tonight!

Tonight’s the night we’ve all been waiting for. And if you’re too last minute like me to plan an actual Jersey Shore party, complete with Jagerbombs and zaples for dessert, go over the bridge (and don’t get totally nauseated in the process) to Arlington and celebrate in guido style at Velocity 5. Tonight, they’re hosting a Jersey Shore Season 2 viewing party, complete with drink specials, excellent appetizers, and Red Rope Production’s very own Jimmy Abernathy bringing in the sexiest crowd that he can round up. Leave the loafers at home and drink your protein today; if you’re not juiced up, you can just fuggedaboutit.

And as classic works of literature often have discussion questions within the epilogue, I’ve provided a few great ones for tonight’s episode that you and your fellow Jersey Shore fans can have over a nice chicken marsala and bottle of Pinot Grigio:

• Who will JWoww get in her first fight with this season and why?

• Which one of the male castmates be most likely to be arrested by the Miami City Police?

• How many pickles will Snookie eat in the duration of the entire season?

• Will Ronnie and Sammi “Sweethahhht” end up back together in the end?

• Will Angelina finally have purchased herself a set of luggage with one of her appearance paychecks so she doesn’t have to show up carrying trash bags again?

• Who will be the protagonist in this season’s house?
• Will Pauly D continue to give shoutouts to Rhode Island? (He better)

And while the season will end quicker that you can say Volare, you can be sure that they’ll make some kind of live appearance in the District in the coming months. So, ladies, who’s going to be the first to make out with The Situation?


Join me at Velocity 5, 8111 Lee Highway in Falls Church, VA tonight for the Jersey Shore Season 2 kick-off party!

Hottest Gays on Earth

Tom Ford and Marc Jacobs, two of the
hottest gay men on Earth, take the red carpet.

He’s just not that into you. But, this time, it’s not because you texted him five times in a row psychotically, hooked up with his best friend, or ate too many Georgetown cupcakes and now look like a beached whale. Probably the biggest disappointment for a Washingtonienne these days is when she’s working out at Vida, finds the most attractive stud she’s ever seen in her life, but then sees him leaving Cobalt arm and arm with a man that weekend. Whether you live in Dupont Circle or not, DC can truly be one, giant gay-borhood that may put a damper on your self-esteem as a female if you’re not careful. Yes, ladies, there are countless men out there who are gorgeous, professional, well-dressed and have more money than God, but be careful; In DC, if they are too good to be true, they very well may just be too good for women. Aside from DC’s usual spread of gorgeous gay men in the social scene who I refuse to name drop here with the fear of inflating their egos even larger than they already are (though I love every damn second of it), below is my list of “Oh-my-gawd, I wish they were straight”’s:


1. Ricky Martin: I cried on the day that he came out, in joy and sorrow. Of course, I’m thrilled he’s comfortable with his sexuality, but COME ON! He’s Latin AND he can shake his bon-bon? Plus, he has the two cutest twin sons in the world. I SO will be his next surrogate if he needs one, FYI.

2. Rupert Everett: I love his British accent, think he’s a phenomenal actor, and he makes me totally LMAO. Though slightly lanky for me, Rupert’s rocking the hot Londontown look to no avail.

3. Tim Gunn: He’s totally old, but the suit? The voice? The fashion forward-ness? I think he’d not only be a great family man, but would function as a superb personal shopper, gym buddy, and would peer pressure Heidi Klum into being my new BFF. And that’s fabulous.

4. Tom Ford: HAVE YOU SEEN PICTURES OF HIM?!?! Even though he’s probably a cocky fashion designer, his tall, dark, and handsome look mixed with his over-the-top fashion sense make him the perfect arm candy.

5. Marc Jacobs: On the note of Tom Ford, I’ve always had a secret thing for this designer, too. Though I’ll never grow to accept the Scottish kilt, those things can be changed. He’s handsome, apparently a huge partier, and, I would forever have access to a killer MJ wardrobe for the rest of my life.

6. Lance Bass: My childhood crush. Though he’s a little too flamboyant for me now, he was definitely one of the hottest N Syncers, in my opinion. And, he made a cameo in I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry, which means he has a sense of humor about it all in the meantime.


Ladies, continue rocking it. Go out there and meet everyone you can, make new friends, and have great conversation. But keep in mind you live in Washington, DC; one of the gayest cities on Earth. And while I consider that to be a very good thing, don’t get down on yourselves, girls. The hot, straight ones are out there… somewhere. JK.