Don't Wear Ed Hardy in Portland

Despite being constantly exhausted, my weekly travels to the West Coast have been eye-opening, fun, but most importantly, have exposed me to the idea that the ‘guido phenomenon’ is something only popular and somewhat trendy in the East Coast- more specifically, totally UNcool unless you’re raging in the Tri-State Area, Rhode Island, or Connecticut. On a recent trip to Portland this past week, I learned this the hard way. Fully equipped to comfortably travel on my eight hour flight out of DCA, I wore what any normal person would; Leggings, my Sacajaweah-esque moccasins, a black juicy zip up, and an Ed Hardy top underneath. Let’s just say that why my travels were comfy, the servers at the ultra-hipster hot spot Clyde Commons downtown were not impressed and treated me like I had the Bubonic plague or something.

And while Portland is definitely NOT a fan of Ed Hardy, Juicy, or anything else that’s sparkly and fun for that matter, it’s truly an adorable city. Surrounded by the mountains and greenery everywhere, the streets are clean (you might as well be equal to a murderer if you litter in this uber-Green conscious place), the sky is grey, and I feel like I’m in Columbia Heights every corner I turn. And in typical blogger fashion, here are my dos and don’ts of exploring the city, after having made two trips in the past two weeks:

DO

• Indulge in some local coffee. Seriously, I never knew hippies, hipsters, and punks alike were so obsessed.

• Drive over the bridge to Vancouver, Washington. It’s an artsy city and you can say you’ve been to Washington!

• Have a fabulous dinner at June. The service is phenom, the food is amazing and all organic/sustainable/whatever-they-call-it, and you’ll leave having been to one of Portland’s best eateries.

• Check out Distiller’s Row. It’s a street in Portland where every bar brews their own beer. I’m not a beer person because it makes me feel fat and like I’m a trashy college girl every time I drink it, but it’s definitely a pretty cool spot.

• Stay in the Westin downtown: I’ve stayed there both times I’ve gone and they treat you five star for the price of a four star. The rooms are huge, brand new, and beautiful, and addressing me by my name every time they see me? I seriously feel like Cinderella. Or JLO.

• Go to the Portland Art Museum: I didn’t do this. But I heard it’s fabulous and you’ll feel cultured.

DON’T

• Wear your sparkly hoop earrings from Bebe. Seriously, it’s not appropriate here and you’ll stick out like a sore thumb.

• Try to go outdoor tanning. It’s cloudy eighty percent of the year and it ain’t gonna happen.

• Flaunt your Republican beliefs if you have a conservative school of thought. Apart from Provincetown, I’ve never been anywhere more liberal in my life and you’ll probably get tarred and feathered if you start talking about George Bush, the war, or anything like that in a way that’s favorable.

• Heckle the city cyclists. As much as I hate this new bicycle fad that has swept our pop culture, there’s too many of them here and you’ll probably end up in a fight if you try to start anything.

• Wear pink, turquoise, or any colors outside of the grey/Earth-tone palate. You’ll be SO un-Portland if you do.

Need more of an image of beautiful- but very, very crunchy- Portland, Oregon? Check out the ultimately hilarious clips of a new show, known as Portlandia, on You Tube. Poking fun at feminism, hipsters, and the protest scene in general, you’ll have a laugh and totally get a better sense of what this city is all about. Plus, you’ll be able to start planning your wardrobe before your trip out to the beautiful Pacific Northwest.