Recession-Proof DC

Even though most of us are still going out, partying, traveling, and spending way out of our means (most of us meaning myself), the broken record of the poor economy continues to raise our stress levels- apparently in the third most expensive city in the nation. Evictions are becoming as commonplace as a pizza delivery and layoffs continue from companies that guarenteed job security in the past. It’s safe to say that unless you’re Jay-Z in the flesh, you too could end up on Craig’s List trying to work some stupid talent gig to pay for your rent (Red Bull girls, anyone?). Because times are so tough, especially for recent college graduates much like myself, I’ve compiled a list of DC locales that not only seem to be recession proof, but very lucrative despite the tough times:

• Parking Enforcer for the DC Department of Motor Vehicles: With the amount of parking tickets I receive in a single week alone, I can assure you a salary much more consistent , exciting, and of higher pay than that boring secretarial 9 to 5 you would have been forced to take. Plus, it’s been rumored that many DC socialites will pay the parking enforcers the big bucks to avoid bootage. 
  
• Line Cook at Ben’s Chilli Bowl: Despite the fact that a boy took me on a date here once (and obviously never took me on a date again after due to my physical aftermath after the meal) and I had a miserable time, if Obama eats there it must be alright. Claiming themselves as having the best chilli dogs in the nation’s capitol, the line’s always out the door, you might get featured in Wale’s next video, and you’ll have a lifetime supply of free chilli...what’s better then that?
  
• Exotic Dancer at Camelots: Feautring “Washington’s most beautiful show girls” according to their official website, you’ll be given the company of some of DC’s most pretigious men looking for a night of entertainment. And with strict adult entertainment laws in DC, you won’t even have to touch any of them! It will be an incentive to stay in shape, and you’ll even get free breakfast when you decide to work the Legs and Eggs shifts. 
  
• Taxi Driver for Diamond Cab Company: Their cabs are always late due to a constant influx of phone calls and requests for rides. You’ll be able to sit down in a cushy yellow Lincoln Continental all day (translation: my father’s dream), make new friends, and take the longest route possible when you think your custumors are either drunk or from out of town. Not a bad life. 
  
• Tour Guide at the National Museum of Crime & Punishment: Apparently people care more about how the electric chair works then they do about paying their car payments, because every day when I go into work I see a line wrapped around 7th and F to get into this museum. I’m sure it’s great, but with all of the free museums in DC, I’d rather see history before my eyes at a Smithsonian for free then learn about the torture methods of Helter Skelter. 
  

So, please don’t go on Monster or Indeed or Craig’s List or any of those job search websites tonight. Instead, I think that you should give one of the five DC recession-proof jobs a try. And then give me a 20% headhunter fee after you accumulate your first few regulars at Camelot’s.