What's Wrong With Faking It?

I'm not exactly what you'd consider a "natural beauty". I'm not saying that I'm ugly by any means (not to be taken in a conceited way, but it's safe to say that if you're well groomed, dress half-decently, and don't resemble Fat Joe in the bodice then you shouldn't fall under that category), but I'm far from organic-looking. We've all heard it; that girl who supposedly looks great when she gets out of the shower. Well, frankly, I look like a hot mess when I get out of the shower; my pores are huge, the circles underneath my eyes become enlarged, somehow my cellulite becomes that much worse, and my bangs are slicked back in such a way so that my rancid Widow's peak is exposed. Because I've discovered this from a young age and am fully aware that the phrase "nobody's perfect" is completely and totally applicable to my very being, I began to dive into the world of beauty culture and self improvement from a very young age. Sally's Beauty Supply was like a candy store for me and in the sixth grade recall forcing my mother to buy me hair mascara so that I could streak my hair with in what my mind resembled "naturally blonde high lights" (NOTTTT). I've had several slip-ups over the years- hot pink Manic Panic hair, butterfly clips, and white eyeliner probably being the most offensive- but gained some pretty good beauty techniques over the years that allowed me to fake adequacy in the looks department. I became so obsessed that I've even developed a passion for make-up artistry and was hired as an artist at Prep Cosmetics at Thames Street in Newport, Rhode Island last summer. Although I've already heavily stressed the importance of clip-in hair and hoop earrings as a necessity in every woman's wardrobe, I've compiled a list on behalf of my readers that will make your appearance pageant ready every day (Not quite. But sometimes in my head I feel like I am):

• Blackjack by MAC: This insanely precise black eyeliner comes as a liquid form in a small pot with a slanted brush for application. Not only will it highlight your natural eye color better then any other eyeliner on the market, but works great for cat eyes and those who want the straight across, Gwen Stefani-meets-Old-Hollywood looks. This is NOT a product for subtle people who wear Vera Bradley and like to smudge their navy blue eyeliner...ick. 
• Sephora Bronzer Brush 370: My favorite make-up brush, and it's only $13! Circular and dramatic, this brush is easy to use and contours your cheek bones perfectly. It gives you that professional, evenly- bronzed look for barely anything. 
• Kertain Treatments by Keratesse: Yes, I am living on a waitress/event planner's salary, but I splurge every four months on one of these Brazilian protein treatments that straighten out and condition unruly, kinky hair. It now takes me only ten minutes to blow out my hair while in the past would be forced to deal with my Mufasa mane for over an hour. I like to get mine done by Selena at Molecule (1800 M Street NW). 
• Crystal Pink by Napoleon Perdis: Probably the best lip gloss ever invented. Enough said. I kid you not, you will have huge, sexy lips that will make any Playboy Playmate envious. It is the best color I've ever worked with on such a wide variety of clientele. **If you get nothing out of this post, this product is the most important!!**
• Fiberwig Mascara: The best mascara on the market right now, and it's not even by a designer. If you're too much of a bum to deal with putting on fake eyelashes (even though they will change your look, I promise you), this excellent mascara available at Sephora contains tiny amounts of fibers that actually increase the length and volume of your lashes as you apply it. Even better, all you have to do for removal is rub them with a little bit of hot water while you peel the mascara off. 
• Linkin Park After Dark by OPI: I know what you're going to say. This color was "sooo last winter" and already way out of the picture kicked out by all of Rihanna's ridiculous neon stupidity. But I don't care. This color's dramatic eggplant shade continues to make any outfit look fierce. 
• NARS Concealers: Throw away all of the Bare Escentuals crap that you bought two years ago when you saw that informercial. No, you can't sleep in it, yes, it looks cakey, and yes, you're still breaking out! Invest in something a little bit lighter and forget about full coverage. The NARS concealers all come in lipstick packaging and are great for spot treatments, which is really all you need to cover that awful pimple plus a little bit of pressed powder. Swear off full-facial coverage forever, my baby leopards. 
• Fantasy by Britney Spears: I don't care what anyone says, but this is the best fragrance of all time. Because who doesn't want to smell like cotton candy-meets lavender? Exactly.
• Fake Eyelashes: Don't waste your $16 dollars on fake eyelashes from MAC that you're going to fall asleep drunk in and loose.  Buy Modlash, or any of the other $3 drugstore brands, but here's the trick; Be sure to buy a dark colored glue so that your eyeliner and glue blend in with each other. Too often do I see girls with white stripes across their lash lines, which resembles white eyeliner, and is a huge no-no. This is also one of the most integral parts of my personal make-up routine and pulls any look together. Despite what my mother says, I will NEVER stop wearing fake eyelashes.
• Belly button rings: Haha, just kidding. Wanted to see if you really read this far. I did used to have one, however. 
• Latisse: I'm not eyelash obsessed, but this is probably one of the greatest inventions of all time. This product, which is applied nightly, literally triples the size of your eyelashes. I began using it and saw amazing results, but couldn't afford the $125 dollar tube for each month's supply upon leaving my parents financial support as a young adult in the big city. If you can get it, however, it's probably one of the world's best inventions. 
• Airbrush Tanning by Solar Planet: The DC tanning chain has recently brought in a new system of airbrush tanning that is extremely impressive. Despite it's expensive price tag at $75 dollars a spray tan, you'll leave feeling bronzed and not orange and won't have melanoma. I hate Mystic Tanning, but highly recommend this new system.

I feel like Fran Drescher from the Beautician and the Beast right now (which is also one of my favorite movies of all time, I might add) but hopefully you too will understand that there's nothing wrong with a little bit of an illusion... 

I mean, if guys on Match.com can lie to me and tell me that they're 29 when they're really 42, then wearing fake eyelashes really isn't half bad. 

Bisou-

Angela =)