Feeling the Post-Holiday Chub?

I know I am. With constant snacking, boozing, and stuffing my face like I just got off of a season of Survivor, I shouldn't be surprised that my jeans are a little bit snug and that my foopa is sticking out a little bit more then usual. Coming from a family that has a huge meal Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and a brunch the morning after, my stomach has expanded that caused me the sneak two dinners tonight; the intervention occurred this evening when I sat down for a three course dinner with my family, while I was waiting to go out for dim sum with friends, which is not exactly the skinniest thing to eat, either. My mother, after realizing what I was doing, immediately cut off the intellectual conversation we were having about the new Lady Gaga song and screamed "What the hell are you doing!? You're going out to eat in an hour! Do you want to end up like your father?!" In which my father put in his two cents thereafter, causing quite a stir in the Milas household, but not enough to make me loose my appetite. After stuffing my face for the past seventy-two hours, I also credit myself with knowing how to quickly take the weight off, as well. I'm not saying to go bulimic for the week or anything; your breath will be horrible and no one will want to make out with you, plus you'll put all of the weight back on in no time. But, I do have some quickie tips that will help to ensure that no one asks you when the baby is due:

• Limit carbs to under 20g per day: For all of you hardcore dieters out there, I'm sure you skip carbs all together. But I get cranky and mean after two days of doing this, so instead, I have my whole wheat bagel in the morning with a piece of fruit and then cut everything else out for the rest of the day. When I'm good, that is. 
• Poop often: By eating food with high roughage counts, you'll not only regulate your system (as you doctor likes to put it) but will eliminate water weight, as well. Because no girl is sexy who has a water retention problem. Or who is always constipated. 
• Have an exercise regimen, even if it's easy: Even if you're just going on the treadmill at 3.3 mph for twenty minutes once a day, you're still moving your body and at least doing something (no matter how pathetic it is). Doing anything extra will burn those few extra calories so that you can loose those extra pounds faster.
• Watch lots of Girls Next Door: Or any other show on television where the girls have ridiculously in shape and altered physiques. Then, you'll feel like the biggest blimp and get depressed, and be all the more motivated to get your butt back in gear. 
• Throw away the snacks: Live alone? Chuck all of the Doritos, Cheetos, cookies, and any other caloric Christmas leftovers lingering behind. Because even if you say you're not going to eat it, if you're anything like me, you know you're going to come home drunkenly on Friday night and kill it all in an hour. And that's potentially just as bad as waking up in a strange guy's bed. 
• Create at-work exercise routines: I do this as a waitress frequently; carry heavier items, do some squats when no one is looking, and squeeze your glutes in reps of 12. I also like to use wine bottles and water pitchers as weights. In fact, I could dedicate an entire entry to all of my exercise routines in one. 
• Find the nearest sweat lodge: This could just be the sauna at the local Washington Sports Club for many of you. But if you get really desperate, ignore the warning and exceed the fifteen minute maximum, and suck it up for a good hour. Bring an iPod, because although a challenge, the results will be great (although I'm not sure how healthy....hey, a girl gets desperate sometimes). 

Listen, I'm not pro-skinny by any means, nor do I believe that a size two is better than a size six. I love eating, hate exercising, and very rarely exercise self discipline in this regard, which can get me into trouble sometimes. But I do know how important it is to look hot in that New Years Eve dress that you bought over two months ago, even if it's just for your girlfriends. So do what you have to do and buck up for the next couple days, because you know that you don't want to be ringing in the new decade with a bunch of preggers-looking photos tagged of you on Facebook.