Heidi Montag=Frankenstein

After receving my weekly dose of People Magazine today, I was greeted by the Hills reality television star (and supposed singer, but I think Kim Zolciak of Real Housewives of Atlanta's got some competition on her if that says anything about her vocal abilities) Heidi Montag, but only recognized her because of her name being printed across the cover. Thinking that I was staring at a photo of either a very botoxed Jenna Jameson or a very airbrushed and lipo-ed Lisa Hogan, I was perplexed and slightly horrified by her latest nips and tucks. Being the very same age as me, Heidi now looks like she should be in a porno labeled "mature", and actually proves me wrong that plastic surgery will always have you looking younger. Upon reading the article, I became even more terrified, learning that she'd undergone a whopping TEN procedures in a twelve hour period being under anesthesia, ranging from a brow lift to a butt augmentation, and even further augmentations of her nose job and breast implants that she had received back in 2008. Claiming that she needed "sex appeal" to be successful in her "industry" (AKA galavanting Kitson boutique with Spencer in front of paparazzi), the only sex appeal she's going to have now is next to a whole bunch of trannies. After the death of actress Brittany Murphy and the recent death of heiress Casey Johnson, two young women who were sadly rapped up in the image and personal appearance reinforced by Hollywood standards, Heidi Montag just further confirms the problem at hand. And horrifies us all by having to show it off on the cover of one of the most popular magazines on newstands.
Now don't get me wrong; there's nothing wrong with a little bit of nip and tuck here and there. I'm a firm believer that cosmetic augmentations are a very personal and thoughtful decision that should be open to any adult. And I'm not one to be a hypocrite here, either, and can say that I do respect Heidi's honestly in not fronting about all of her ordeals; After living for twenty years of my life barely able to fill a training bra, I went under the knife for my twenty first birthday with the blessings from both of my parents and close friends. It's something I've always been comfortable discussing, and always thought that I'd be talked about even more if I decided to act like nothing happened and that I happened to be the one person that Blousant actually worked on. I think push came to shove on a trip to Universal Studios, when my tank top wouldn't stay on properly on the Hulk rollarcoaster and ended up being exposed in my photo from on the ride, not to mention in front of all of the others going to buy souvenir photos, as well. It sounds ridicoulas, and maybe not completely understood by a lot of people, but it was a decision I made as an adult for which I have no regrets. So, below, I address Heidi, hoping that she hears me out and perhaps considers filing a lawsuit against her doctor.

Dear Mrs. Montag-Pratt,
Will I be getting ass implants, my ears pulled back, and restilin in my lips now that I've gone under the knife once? No, Heidi Montag, what you're doing is not a personal decision that I should just respect, I'm sorry to say. It's weird, problematic, and you're probably going to end up like Joan Rivers, or even worse, the Cat Lady (Google her- so rancid I'm not even posting her photos here. She has the largest amount of plastic surgery procedures performed on a single woman EVER!). This isn't because I don't like you, but I'd like to think of myself right now as some kind of plastic surgury guru right now, heeding you away from more body trauma. I'm sorry, but what you're doing is just not the same as a fifty-year-old mom getting a little bit of Botox or a Greek/Italian girl getting the hump in her nose shaved down. It's extremist behavior and it's an addiction. Your old nose made you look like a Sophia Loren sex kitten and your old boobs were proportional to your enviously slim frame that I will never have, even if I do see your lunatic doctor. I hope you never sit down too fast and pop your butt implants. I'm so sad for what Hollywood has done to you. Or that damn Spencer is too afraid to come out of the closet so is now forcing his wife to look like a tranny so he feels more comfortable. Just saying.

Love,
Angela =)