Miss DC Makes Environmentalism Sexy

As most of you know, I am what you would call a pageant enthusiast. I coach, compete, and judge, and continue to spend every televised pageant, as scary as this sounds, with my "pageant journal" individually judging every contestant and probably annoying the crap out of everyone who is sitting there watching with me. Which is why I'm especially excited this year for the Miss America pageant, in which the District of Columbia will be represented by classmate, friend, and former fellow Cherry Blossom Princess Jen Corey. On her third attempt at the crown, Jen scored the title and for the past year has been galavanting DC attending some of the most fabulous events as a VIP guest, in a delicious sponsored wardrobe and beauty maintenance given to her during the time of her reign (which, for me, is reason enough to shoot for the title...free hair every month?! Hell yeah!). This Saturday, January 30th,  Jen will take her stab at capturing the Miss America crown on TLC, and with her positive personality, enviously long legs, and opera singing that shatters glass, I'm pretty confident that she's got a fair shot at doing so.
Even more importantly, Jen was required to undertake a platform during her preliminary competition that she would pledge to promote if she was selected as a winner. Her "Let's Talk Trash" (which the name isn't my favorite because there's nothing hot about trash) aims to clean up the city, encourage recycling initiatives, and make people overall more attentive to the environment around them. Designing a logo of a recycling sign with green stilettos in place of arrows, Jen makes the pro-environmentalism initiative attractive to women beyond the tree-hugging, hairy armpit ones. Even more honorably, Jen raised over $10,000 on her own to the Children's Miracle Network, the national charity of the Miss America organization, to help seriously ill children in need everywhere. Her popularity with a purpose is a positive example for all- and, if you see her in a swimsuit, might also set as a positive example for you to get your butt to the gym as soon as possible, too.
Think that the pageant bug has bit and you want to take your own stab at the Miss DC title next year? Don't even think about it without considering the following:

• White Teeth: For all of you against teeth bleaching because it supposedly takes the enamel off of your teeth, leave this white lie behind or find another hobby. Many serious pageant girls even go for veneers, so if you're poor, start brushing with baking soda and find some Crest White Strips pronto.
• An Excellent Coach: I know this all-star coach named Angela who worked with the latest girl to be crowned Miss Black America. She can be found at www.capitalpageantcoaching.com. Honestly, you're stupid to do a pageant without her guidance. 
• Current Events Knowledge: Never picked up a newspaper? Don't know the difference between political parties, but just like parties and that's all? Unless you're old Britney Spears-hot, your looks can only carry you so far.
• A Fierce Wardrobe: Which can cost you upwards of $2,000, I kid you not. There's no such thing as budget shopping when it comes to pageantry. Google Tony Bowls, Sherri Hill, or Jovani to see what I'm talking about.
• No Carbohydrates: Obsessed with pasta and bagels? You're going to have to pretend it's Lent or something, because a food baby isn't going to cut it for the swimsuit competition. 
• The Best Fake Hair: If you live in DC, hit up Georgia Ave and do work. Very few ladies are blessed with that thick, healthy pageant hair needed to compete, and living with a city that has tons of fake hair resources, it's best to take advantage of this for the stage. Please refer to my previous post on hair extensions for more information. And please refrain from wearing Jessica Simpson clipons, they don't look good on anyone.

Think you've got what it takes? Go to www.missdc.org to sign up today. And be sure to support Jen Corey (who is also a Paint the Town Leopard follower, I might add) this Saturday, January 30th, at 8 pm on TLC!