Pandora? Ew.

My beautiful ten year old cousin had a direct request for her birthday this year; either a stand-up Michael Jackson cardboard image from his Billie Jean music video, or a new charm for her beloved Pandora bracelet. Having a huge problem with the first for obvious reasons (sorry I don't want a montage of MJ watching my child cousin going to bed every night), I decided to go with the latter and began exploring every little giftshop in DC to find Melina a unique charm that would make her birthday special. Apparently, the wonderful world of Pandora has yet to take DC by storm, since every sales person asked my why I didn't want to get my little cousin a Juicy Couture charm bracelet, which I wouldn't have minded at all but it wasn't her request, but did mind when they referred my to a nauciating Vera Bradley bracelet that made me feel like I was back on Cape Cod (for those of you who don't know, Vera Bradley is against everything I stand for and is entire against my religion. AKA=vom). When my mother assured me that I would have no issue finding Pandora in Rhode Island, I decided to wait until I arrived in my hometown inside of dealing with the awful world of online ordering.
I first thought that these braclets would be blue and resembled something primitive of the Na'vi, with all of the world bananas for Avatar right now and with Pandora being the name of the alien's secret world. However, I was incredibly taken aback when my mother took me to an adorable little giftshop in Cumberland, Rhode Island and introduced me to a line of cord bracelets only to be filled with dainty charms ranging from $25-$100 in price. Established in Norway, Pandora has already gained relative popularity in northern Europe and Australia, and in my opinion, is the perfect keep sake for a small child. I was greatly mistaken when my pleasent gift shop was all of a sudden traumatized by the pressence of WASP-y, Lily Putlizer wearing women who scoffed at my fake UGG boots (Who cares? They're UGGS!), and who actually began oogling the "chahhms" that I thought were supposed to be geared towards the same demographic who bought American Girl dolls. Hearing Sheilah ask Karen if she should get the frog or the golf ball charm, I sadly thought, what in the world is fashion coming to?
Of course, charm bracelets for children, even teenagers, are totally okay in my opinion, and in fact, are encouraged. They're youthful, fun, and inspire a positive channel of self expression in the form of a special keepsake that will forever remind that person of their childhood. But as a status symbol and a means to brag when you're already on your second bracelet? For the $500 to $700 it takes on average to complete an entire cord, invest in a timeless David Yurman cuff or Judith Ripka bracelet that looks classy, and more importantly, your age! There's nothing sexy about a thirty-something professional woman clanking her charm-embellished wrist at the office of charms, which no offense to Pandora, aren't even that cute.
The tip of the iceberg after seeing these yuppie moms at the gift shop in Rhode Island? After chuckling to myself at the women's enthusiasm, I asked the salesman why these bracelets have yet to be popular in Washington, DC. Apparently, "they haven't made their way out West yet". Oh, Rhode Island.