Theresa Giudice is My Homegirl

And so are all of the other Real Housewives of New Jersey (Minus Italian poser and con artist Danielle Staub, of course). Yes, with a new series debuting two weeks back, you can consider me glued to the television every Monday night from 10 to 11 pm, enthralled in the table-flipping craziness that now defines the upscale suburb of Franklin Lakes. With degenerates, wannabe singers (Hello, Lu-Ann? Money can't buy you class, but it can buy you studio time, I guess...), and the worst breast implants I've ever seen defining all of the other seasons, these housewives really prove why Jersey girls do it best. And despite the fact that Theresa dressed her newborn baby Audiana in leopard print, here are just a few other reasons why Dina, Caroline, and Jacqueline absolutely own it:

• They love Cadillacs: Yea, BMW's are great and all, but women who drive Cadillacs keep it real. They're also probably wearing some fabulously tacky outfit, which makes them all the more better (excluding my mother). What's more badass then a hot girl driving an Escalade?
• They COOK: What's up with this status thing of women thinking it's below them to go crazy in the kitchen? Though I don't exactly have time to be the chef of my dreams because I'm not a housewife and do work a nine-to-five every day, these women pride themselves on making great food, and don't give a crap if they're not a size two. 
• They get moderate breast implants: Bigger is not always better. Unlike every other celebrity getting breast implants right now, Theresa Giudice becomes nervous when she finds out she's actually going to go as big as a C cup. You might as well exile yourself from Coto if you're that small in Orange County.
• They keep their kids in line: When Caroline's son is fresh to her, she tells him off right back, unlike the spoiled rich kids on Real Housewives of New York who mouth off to their parents with no repercussions. You don't disrespect la famiglia. 
• They dress fabulously: Guidette or not, you've gotta admit that these ladies have style. At nine months pregnant, Theresa is walking around her daughter's fashion show in Louboutains. To me, that's more impressive than finding peace in the Middle East. 
• They tell off Danielle Staub for having absolutely no morals: This is the one reality show on the planet that doesn't glamorize gold-digging or unfit parents. No, Danielle is bashed for conspiracy in kidnapping, extortion, and supposed drug smuggling. And she has the nerve to get angry that this "hiccup" in her past is being publicized. 
• They put their kids in modeling: Gotta love the fellow stage moms. Both Theresa and Danielle enroll their daughters in modeling agencies, who both walk the runway at Mercedes Fashion Week. And, of course, Danielle tries to be competitive about her sixteen-year-old daughter modeling alongside Theresa's eight-year-old. 
• They fuggedaboutit: If you can read that, then I'm sure you love the New Jersey Housewives as much as I do. But really, they can fight, scream at each other, and rip each others' hair out, then break bread over Pinot Grigio ten minutes later. Foccaccia, of course. 

Although I love this city, I had a terrible experience waiting on the DC Housewives back in my restaurant days, and refuse to endorse them (they're boring and can't even dress, and frankly, I'll be surprised if they even air). However, I'll continue supporting my leopard-printed roots, and will continue to call all of the Jersey Housewives (minus Danielle) my homegirls.