Ten Things I Hate About George

It kills me to use my late grandfather's name in vein, but he would be on the same page with me in describing DCs despicable yuppie hot spot. Listen, I don't always need to be fabulous; I've legitimately had some great nights from Lima to Lounge of Three on U Street. But this "members-only" (yea, right. It's DC- nothing's members only) bar, secretly tucked in the heart of Georgetown so that local commoners can't discover its whereabouts (it's behind Cafe Milano), makes me cringe so badly that my leopard print turns zebra. Cleverly named "George" because of its location (because those who frequent the bar are just too cool to say the 'town' in 'Georgetown'), this place is basically what would happen if Smith Point decided to star in an Abercrombie & Fitch commercial. And maybe I'm biased- preppy is not exactly my number one favorite look. But it's time to officially out George so that guidos, Euros, and clubbers alike can voice off about this monstrosity. Here are my top ten reasons- because, trust me, there's more- as to why George is against everything that I stand for:

1. The boys who go there where sweaters over their shoulders. Not that I go out looking for a man- I'm good :)- but, I don't even want to be the PRESENCE of men who rock this terrible faux pas. Unless you are on a golf course in Connecticut on a brisk afternoon, ITS AWFUL. And even then it's still not okay.
2. The floors are too sticky. They took part of the red sole off of my friend's Christian Louboutains the one time I was there. Plus, why am I going to pay $12 for a drink in a place where the floor is not properly scrubbed?
3. I don't want/need to hear Journey every other song. This is not the Soprano's finale, nor is it Muttley's (circa. Adam's Morgan 2005). 
4. Why do they have moose heads decorating the walls? Are we in an Abercrombie Kids store? A prep school dining hall? Hoggwarts? Someone please bring me my lacrosse stick, pronto. 
5. It takes thirty minutes to get a drink. As a former hospitality industry employee, I'm a stickler for this stuff. They understaff with a bar that doesn't have a crew fast enough to get to all of the patrons in a timely manner. And, my drink was not even properly stirred. Ewie. 
6. If you have Jungle Fever, this is NOT the place for you. Put it this way- if you're Welsh, you should consider yourself exotic in comparison to the demographic which frequents George. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Just saying. 
7. The Official Preppy Handbook has ranked George as one of the top ten preppiest venues in the country. Why would I ever want to be in a facility that encourages pearls, Vera Bradley, and (omg I can't believe these words are coming out of my mouth) LILY PULITZER?!
8. Some National's player threw his birthday here and it made a top story here. Exactly. 
9. People will give you dirty looks here if you pop lock and drop it, booty shake, or dougee. When I go to a bar, I don't want to dance like a fifty-somehting at a wedding, sorry. 
10. There is no cover from the bouncers to the entrance. If it is raining, your Kertain treatment will be forever ruined, so bring your umbrella or rain bonnet (exactly).

I only write all of this in good fun, as I find it humorous that a place in DC is the epitome of everything that I don't care for stylistically. I hope that no George of DC employees take this to heart, as they've done a great job serving the yuppy thirty-somethings of DC in the best of ways. Just please accommodate me and play Lady Gaga the next time I come- the DJ refused to last time. Thanks.