Why Does Kimmie Always Have to Act Sexy?!

We’ve got it. She’s rich, has perfect Victoria Secret Angels hair, moderately Botoxed lips, and a derriere with an unfair ratio of barely any cellulite to go with its size (hello, Lipo?). But despite her modern day Sophia Loren-esque sex appeal, home girl has GOT to relax. From playing with her nephew to eating a sandwich, everything Kim Kardashian does is labeled with some in-your-face innuendo. Now, I could understand this if she debuted in her first film as a prudey character; however, her first movie debut was in a sex tape with disgusting Ray J and her first cover was on Playboy. And aside from being photographed with so many men that she’s practically the mattress of Hollywood, her charm, philanthropic efforts, and family-first mentality will be completely overshadowed should she continue to keep this up. Here are some shots of Kim exuding sex in her daily life:



Pull your damn bottoms up and put
on a cover up!!! I understand it's the
beach, but football is an agressive game

Kim (second from the left), needs to have her boobies out
for her family's Christmas card. She looks fab, but save this
look for an award show! Plus, the 12 year old sister to her
left looks like Elvira.

Because who REALLY wears this for
a workout?

At the opening for Sugar Gourmet Lollipops.
No comment.

Because why not have the perfect
DSL pout when posing with your
eight-month-old nephew?



Again, this post is by no means a bash on Kim Kardashian. I think she's done a great job marketing herself and reinforces my own sense of pride in my curves. With the Kate Moss' and Natalie Portman's framing Hollywood's female body standards for the past five years, the Kardashian girls do shed a positive image in the fact that a girl doesn't have to be a stick thin Ana to be beautiful. I just wish she'd be a little bit more regular sometimes.

Fabulous Holidays

I grew up with a mom who loved Longchamp, Ralph Lauren, and Earth tones. And though I wouldn’t trade her for anything else in the world, definitely blossomed into a person of different tastes, preferences, and styles. This especially came into fruition every year during the holidays; I’d want the blinking colored lights, she’d want classy white ones. She’d insist on a real tree, but my allergies would always make me complain for a fake one. And, most memorably, she bought a Caucasian, light-up Santa Claus for our yard, and I asked why we couldn’t have bought a Black one (to match the Black light up Santa that my childhood best friend’s family had). But in the spirit of creativity – and not to mention now having my own place- I’ve been able to conceptualize and put together some of my Christmas fantasy designs that are completely fabulous and very leopard-esque. Wondering what these would consist of?

• A faux, white, 1950’s style cellophane Christmas tree. It looks very sexy and Miami-chic.
• A Mrs. Claus Leg’s Avenue costume to wear on Christmas Eve (regardless of the fact that it’s just a sexy Halloween costume for college girls).
• Silver baubles and wreaths a la Michael Scott’s “classy” Christmas party in the latest Christmas edition of The Office.
• Front yard lawn ornaments of reindeer and snowmen bedazzled in cold and silver sequins.
• Pink and gold Christmas lights on the front lawn like the ones I fell in love with at Christmastown in Williamsburg this past weekend.
• Plenty of eggnog, Jaegermeister, and other cinnamon-y cocktails to take you awasailing.There are also several Christmas trends of the now that should definitely be boycotted and downright scare me:
• Those blow-up Christmas displays people put on their front lawns. I love tacky things, but these are really pushing it.
• Those weird caroler statues that are all making their ‘O’ faces. Sorry but no.
• Mistletoes. I’m over it, I’ll make out on my own time and I always end up at a family Christmas party standing underneath one with my dad, brother, or someone TOTALLY non-ideal to be standing underneath a kissing plant with. Ewie.
So put up your white tree and find some hot pink lights. Just because it’s Christmas doesn’t mean you have to wear red and green. And be sure to avoid the mistletoe at family occasions.

Christmas is a Time for Salvation Army

AKA where I’ll be shopping very soon if my spending habits continue on the route they are headed. Yes, while I love the holidays, my life in DC, a new dress for my office Christmas party, and a trip to the Gansevoort in Miami for NYE has definitely done some extreme damage onto my checking account. And that doesn’t even include the fact that I have yet to buy a single Christmas present for anyone! I love gift giving and surprising my friends and family, but realized that with so many obligations on my end financially, will definitely need to get creative for Xmas this year. And as I’m sure many of you will too, here are my suggestions for gifts that are sexy and won’t force collections to come after you come January:

• For your brother: Sneakers or the full season of a show that the two of you watch together. Boys love new kicks and stupid tv shows. It’s that simple.
• For your sister: I don’t have one but if I did, I’d get her Sephora anything. They have so many great gift packs over the holidays that look like they’d be so expensive but in actuality are actually like $25. Plus, I’ve never not liked a gift before that makes me prettier.
• For your aunt: A bedazzled candle. Something from Crate & Barrel. Stuff like this makes old people go “awww”.
• For your uncle: A cigar. Grilling utensils. Golf things. Something that makes him feel super manly.
• For your grandmother: A donation to a nice charity in her name. Because, really, what does she need?
• For your grandfather: Reading material- if you’re like mine, non-fiction only. Fiction is for crackpots.
• For nieces, nephews, cousins, and the under 13 crew: I honestly don’t know what’s cool this year, but if it was me, would have definitely taken a Furby or Tamagotchi at the time.
• For your BF4L: An inside-joke item. Perhaps a funny framed photo of a boy they’re obsessed with. You can get creative on Shutterfly.com with this.
• For your significant other: Not an item, but an experiencial gift that the two of you have to do together. Because you’re hot and worth it- obvi!
• For your boss: A nice bottle of wine. They’ll need it after dealing with you for the past however long.
• For your dad: A new, flattering piece of clothing that will upgrade his old-school look. You don’t have to go too crazy money wise to do this, either.
• For your mom: Splurge. Disregard the fact that you’re on a budget. Louis Vuitton, Chloe, whatever. She ruined her vagina for you.

I’ll definitely be making the rounds at Tysons Corner and the Georgetown Mall, but can’t wait to see everyone’s faces light up with a new item under the tree for them. Even though I’ll be eating brown rice until my paycheck comes January 1st.

Christmas in Washington

And I’m not referring to that TERRIBLE Joan Baez song that I was recently introduced to. If you’re a Christmas junkie, DC is the perfect city for the holidays, with so many fun/romantical things to do. While I definitely have several things on my agenda, here are some Paint the Town Leopard-esque activities that are completely Grinch-free should you try to be getting into the holiday spirit:


• Hit up the zoo: But wear your sexiest Snow Bunny gear and bring a man, because it won’t be warm. Though I haven’t been in years, the zoo has a great light display that will definitely have you feeling like you’re in the North Pole. Extra points if you hit up the Woodley Park bar scene afterwards.
• Go see the National Christmas Tree!!!: It’s so fun and will really make you feel like you’re in DC. Plus, most of the Smithsonian’s stay open late night during the Christmas season, so you can go do something cultural afterwards.
• Cut down your own tree: Totally not an activity for me, but if you’re interested in being one with Mother Nature for the holidays, try Buck Lodge Farm in Boyds, Maryland, where they actually supply you with the axe and the tools for cutting down your own tree. Again, sounds dangerous for me, but might be a good activity for some.
• See the Light Show at National Harbor: I’ve been and it’s well worth it. Again, if you’re allergic to the cold, stay home, but if you can man up and deal with it, National Harbor looks beautiful lit up for the holidays (the light show goes on every half hour until ten pm each evening). Plus, you can have dinner at Ketchup, which is Ashton Kutcher and Justin Timberlake’s restaurant (OHMYGAWDDD!!).
• Check out indoor snow: At the Gaylord National Resort at National Harbor. I’ve never been, nor do I know of anyone who has, but I heard about it on the radio and it sounds like something out of Dubai. There are ice sculptures, light displays, and tons of other fun things to make you feel Christmas-y. Because it must be pretty amazing to see real, indoor snow.
• Crash an office holiday party: But not mine! Wear your most fanciest holiday ensemble, show up either the Willoughby or JW Marriot on a random Friday night in December, and keep your Blackberry close so that you can Google fast facts about the company while you’re mingling with guests. It’s fun, a good way to meet people, and a way to get that Wedding Crashers-esque adrenaline rush in the process.
• Shop in Georgetown: And then get your picture taken with Santa in the Georgetown Mall. Be careful, though, and give yourself a budget ahead of time, or else you’ll be like me and empty your entire debit account.
• Adopt a family: Because the amount of money you’d spend to make an entire family’s Christmas special is the same that you’d spend on a night going to Josephine’s, anyway, so it’s only right. Check out www.jssa.org for information on how you can help make a family in need feel special during this holiday season. Because you’ve always got to give back.

So there you have it! Whether you’re dabbling in Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanza, or some other holiday this month, be sure to do it in Washington. Just don’t play that dreadful Joan Baez song in the process.