Balls Dropping

If you're anything like me and my girlfriends, the ten dollar question of the moment is what (and who) you'll be doing to ring in the new century. With the Mayan calendar giving us only two more years after this one, it's more than necessary that it's celebrated with a bang with only the most fabulous (jokes). Though difficult in Rhode Island at times, finding New Years Eve plans shouldn't be the slightest bit difficult for a District girl, but with many of the hottest parties already sold out (with strict fire code laws that I can't even finagle eight extra tickets if I tried...this is the Capital, people) some people are even stooping low enough to buy tables at UltraBar; which I want to clarify, I don't mean in a snobby way, but would prefer not to spend my New Year's Eve at the same place I spent every fraternity mixer at in college, in which I ended up having to deal with the heartache of finding a guy who I thought was really cute at the beginning but always ended up puking in a plastic bag by midnight because his brothers made him chug an entire handle of God-knows-what at the pre-game. JUST SAYING. With this being said, the clock is ticking at it's extremely important that everyone solidifies their plans within the next day or two, because I don't know about you, but I'd really prefer to not be at Clyde's when the ball drops.
Promoters will be pulling you in eight million directions, claiming that they have the "official" event for Washington, DC that evening, but please ignore the hoopla; you'll only be paying double and triple for a place that you normally stumble into at the end of your night for free. Still unsure of my personal New Year's Eve plans, aside from the fact that I will be at work for the majority of the evening (and that two of Rhode Island's finest will be making their way to DC for the night), I've compiled a list of some leopard-approved parties that could definitely be rewarding:

• National Building Museum ($80): With open bar from 9 to 1 am, this is probably the most coveted party that I was too stupid to buy tickets for in advanced. So let's move on since it's sold out and I don't want to think about what I'll be missing. 
• 9:30 Club & Hotel Helix ($282 for two, overnight package): Looking for somewhere hipster and different that you can wear that vintage sequin number from Annie's Cream Cheese? Featuring Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings, this jazz-ska band will be the perfect treat. The 9:30 Club can get a little bit B.O.-ish however, so just be careful. 
• Love Nightclub ($40): Ring in 2010 at the original Marc Barnes club with Drake and TreySongz hosting. It should be a good time if you're into the hiphop scene, but as Barnes himself has said, "Love ain't for everyone".
• Grand Hyatt ($169): If you can't bump and grind, this might be a safer party for you, featuring Third Eye Blind. The Grand Hyatt usually throws a banger for NYE, but Third Eye Blind? More like Third Eye Blahhh. 
• The Willard ($265): For all of the rich bitches out there who want to party with DC's finest, this is the party for you. Enjoy white-gloved service of hors d'oeuvres and cocktails along with different themed rooms. For nearly the cost of my monthly car payment. 
• Lima ($40 general adm, $1000 for a table): I know it's a DC nightlife staple, but the club supposedly throws a great NYE party. I just don't know how down I am to pay $40 to a club that normally charges no cover. Thoughts?
• The W Hotel ($125): Amazing location, beautiful people, and very attractive staffing...however, there's no open bar included in the price. Then again, you can always just make some friends there and create your own "open bar". Which I don't encourage, of course. 

There you have it; in my opinion, the best New Years Eve parties that the District is offering this year. However, I'm always willing to admit my faults, and as my first NYE that I will be in the District, please leave any additional comments you may have on good parties or venues. And for those of you staying in Rhode Island for New Years Eve, it's a one stop shop; Monet Lounge, because who's better than DJ Vibe and Bobby Furtado?

Feeling the Post-Holiday Chub?

I know I am. With constant snacking, boozing, and stuffing my face like I just got off of a season of Survivor, I shouldn't be surprised that my jeans are a little bit snug and that my foopa is sticking out a little bit more then usual. Coming from a family that has a huge meal Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and a brunch the morning after, my stomach has expanded that caused me the sneak two dinners tonight; the intervention occurred this evening when I sat down for a three course dinner with my family, while I was waiting to go out for dim sum with friends, which is not exactly the skinniest thing to eat, either. My mother, after realizing what I was doing, immediately cut off the intellectual conversation we were having about the new Lady Gaga song and screamed "What the hell are you doing!? You're going out to eat in an hour! Do you want to end up like your father?!" In which my father put in his two cents thereafter, causing quite a stir in the Milas household, but not enough to make me loose my appetite. After stuffing my face for the past seventy-two hours, I also credit myself with knowing how to quickly take the weight off, as well. I'm not saying to go bulimic for the week or anything; your breath will be horrible and no one will want to make out with you, plus you'll put all of the weight back on in no time. But, I do have some quickie tips that will help to ensure that no one asks you when the baby is due:

• Limit carbs to under 20g per day: For all of you hardcore dieters out there, I'm sure you skip carbs all together. But I get cranky and mean after two days of doing this, so instead, I have my whole wheat bagel in the morning with a piece of fruit and then cut everything else out for the rest of the day. When I'm good, that is. 
• Poop often: By eating food with high roughage counts, you'll not only regulate your system (as you doctor likes to put it) but will eliminate water weight, as well. Because no girl is sexy who has a water retention problem. Or who is always constipated. 
• Have an exercise regimen, even if it's easy: Even if you're just going on the treadmill at 3.3 mph for twenty minutes once a day, you're still moving your body and at least doing something (no matter how pathetic it is). Doing anything extra will burn those few extra calories so that you can loose those extra pounds faster.
• Watch lots of Girls Next Door: Or any other show on television where the girls have ridiculously in shape and altered physiques. Then, you'll feel like the biggest blimp and get depressed, and be all the more motivated to get your butt back in gear. 
• Throw away the snacks: Live alone? Chuck all of the Doritos, Cheetos, cookies, and any other caloric Christmas leftovers lingering behind. Because even if you say you're not going to eat it, if you're anything like me, you know you're going to come home drunkenly on Friday night and kill it all in an hour. And that's potentially just as bad as waking up in a strange guy's bed. 
• Create at-work exercise routines: I do this as a waitress frequently; carry heavier items, do some squats when no one is looking, and squeeze your glutes in reps of 12. I also like to use wine bottles and water pitchers as weights. In fact, I could dedicate an entire entry to all of my exercise routines in one. 
• Find the nearest sweat lodge: This could just be the sauna at the local Washington Sports Club for many of you. But if you get really desperate, ignore the warning and exceed the fifteen minute maximum, and suck it up for a good hour. Bring an iPod, because although a challenge, the results will be great (although I'm not sure how healthy....hey, a girl gets desperate sometimes). 

Listen, I'm not pro-skinny by any means, nor do I believe that a size two is better than a size six. I love eating, hate exercising, and very rarely exercise self discipline in this regard, which can get me into trouble sometimes. But I do know how important it is to look hot in that New Years Eve dress that you bought over two months ago, even if it's just for your girlfriends. So do what you have to do and buck up for the next couple days, because you know that you don't want to be ringing in the new decade with a bunch of preggers-looking photos tagged of you on Facebook.

FOLLOW THE LEOPARD ON TWITTER!

Are you addicted to Paint the Town Leopard? Need your daily dose of stupidity, guidoness, and wisdom but don't have the time to read the sometimes lengthy articles every day? Even though I always thought the name was stupid and didn't make sense, aside from the fact that people are so addicted that they practically twitter (or is it tweet) every poo that they take, I've succumbed and can currently be found under my alias, Angela Milas. If you really care to follow-which, trust me, I don't blame you if you don't- please log on and join. You won't miss it, it's the only page I've seen with an entire leopard and lime green print themed background. Enjoy!

Merry Christmas, Leopards!

Or as the Greeks say, kala christouyena. I hope each and every one of your holidays are filled with great friends, good food (nix the diet for the day, please...I'm eating straight carbohydrates as I type), and some excellent gifts (some fabulous Sky dresses and a new Quest Skinner painting were some of my best, along with some other great pieces that will be broken out soon). Indulge today; have that extra glass of champagne, make out with that hot man at your cousin's Christmas dinner today that you're pretty sure you're not related to, and please don't forget to watch this season's holiday episode of The Office in which Jesus Christ himself makes a cameo at Dunder Mifflin Paper Company. Enjoy this special day and Merry Christmas! :)

"Christmas is a Time for Godiva Chocolatiers...I Mean Soup Kitchens!"

With the holidays right around the corner, I suspect that you too are rushing around for last minute gifts right now if you're as irresponsible as I am. Rather than wasting your time fighting with WASPy moms in line at the Yankee Candle in Georgetown, looking at you like your the biggest plebe to hit DC, choose your shopping locations wisely and kill all your birds with one stone (or however that expression goes) without having to sit in Tyson's Corner traffic for over an hour, which, yes, I did. The following places are some great DC locales with great gift ideas that will make you appear like you spent a lot of money when you actually didn't (and will also help to be sure that people get you expensive things in return, after they feel bad seeing that it appeared you spent so much money...just saying). So tomorrow morning, eat a granola bar so you don't get hypoglycemic, chug a vanilla chai, and get your walking shoes on (as long as they look good and match your outfit) for some serious shopping madness, Paint the Town Leopard-style. After much research, I suggest the following stops for your loved ones (and your liked ones, too):

• For your mommy: Hit up Amethyst Boutique in Bethesda, which specializes in silver, gold, and precious metal jewelry with precious stones. The pieces are all affordable and the owners are awesome so you won't feel guilty giving them business.
• For your diddy: Because he's rich and can probably buy whatever he wants whenever he wants, consider purchasing him tickets to a show. Andrea Bocelli? Cheech and Chong? Or, if he's on the feminine side, Susan Boyle? With DC, the sky's the limit with the array of performers we get.
• For your Yiayia (translation: grandmother in Greek): She will be tickled to death if you donate to a DC charity in her name. Consider donating to Starlight Mid-Atlantic Children's Foundation or DC's Central Kitchen, which both have online applications to make charitable donations so you won't even have to leave your living room and deal with DC degenerates two days before Christmas Eve.
• For your boo: Target + Best Buy, baby! But stay away from Columbia Heights and Tenleytown to avoid the insane crowds and check out Alexandria, instead. You'll find laptops and flat screen televisions for as low as $200, and super cheap digis as well.
• For your child, nieces, nephews, etc: Hottoys2009.com is an awesome site with the most popular ranked toys of this Christmas season. Plus, they have rushed delivery so assure that your toys will arrive ASAP. Or, if your cousins are like mine, get them a Barack Obama bobble head from one of the 8000 inaugural souvenir shops.
• For your best girls: Check out Bloomingdales in Chevy Chase. They have some insane holiday sales on Marc Jacobs and Juicy (which I still love, don't hate) that will make them happy since they probably wouldn't buy any of that stuff for themselves.
• For your boss/manager: A Christmas Georgetown cupcake, which just moved to a new and beautiful M Street location and has holiday-themed treats. Totally affordable and they'll think you're very thoughtful.
• For the mailman: Go to CVS and buy some fake Godiva chocolatier whatevers. Because unless your a mother in suberbia, it's problematic for you to be buying pressents for your mailman.

As the Santa in your advent calender gets closer to the 24th, don't be a bad Santa and get on the ball with your Christmas shopping. Follow my suggestions and you'll be far away from most of DC's crazies.

Wanna See an Alien Sex Scene?

When I think of sci-fi, I think of the following; People who go to internet cafes, Magic cards (remember those?), and Dwight Schrute from The Office. Although funny, none of these three things have anything to do with how I define myself nor are the slightest bit attractive. So, when I was dragged into seeing James Cameron's latest flick, Avatar, I was slightly apprehensive. I've never liked sci-fi, first off, and have really bad blepharitis in both of my eyes so figured that the 3D glasses would end up just giving me a headache by the end of the two hours and forty five minute computer geek's orgasm-on-film type of movie. I hate to say it, but I was very wrong; Avatar entertained, kept me at the edge of my seat, and had a deep, underlying liberalism message that had my Republican man shaking in his seat (even though he would never admit it).
Taking place on a planet known as Pandora, which encompasses water, trees, and creatures that resemble humans to an extent (only are blue, nine feet tall, and have tails...so I guess don't really resemble humans), scientists, businessmen, and military officials set out to the planet to tame the creatures and uncover valuable natural resources. Without giving too much away- because it's just THAT creative and I don't want to spoil it for anyone- the movie gains a political undertone immediately that showcases the continuous struggle between environmentalism and capitalism (which they did such a good job with, that even the girl right here who wears leather and eats steak managed to shed a tear) on this new planet.
Having been documented as the most expensive movie to have ever been made, Cameron creates an entire indigenous species of people, animals, and even developed a language for the Na'vi race (AKA the aliens) with a linguistc professor from USC over a ten year period. (In other words, the fact that Cameron dedicated ten years of his life to merely entertainment should be reason enough to go out and spend $10 on a ticket, let's be honest.) With half of the cast being animated through computer generated forms, the movie is complex, interesting, and will keep you on the edge of your seat.
My only issues with the film? The 3D did give me a headache by the end, in which I felt like I was the one in an avatar, and-SPOILER ALERT!- the sex scene between the two aliens made me queasy and had me asking myself many questions for the rest of the movie (even though some of their parts were human, were all of their parts human?). I guess everyone-or thing-needs a little bit of loving sometimes.
All and all, Avatar was a great flick and probably one of the best movies I've ever seen. Next to Clueless, that is.

Jersey Shore is BADA BING!

And I'm not just saying that because one of the show's biggest characatures, Pauly D, is from Johnston, RI (for those of you who don't know of this American gem, the hair spray is always out of stock at the local CVS and for those of you who didn't think baby Ed Hardy exits, think again). When I first moved to DC five years ago, I remember looking around American University's unattractive campus and thinking, "What's missing here?" After living in DC, I realized the status quo that I'd developed my entire life was entirely false and a breed of its own; the majority of dads didn't smoke cigars and moms didn't drop their 'R's every time they spoke, nor did any of my new girlfriends have rings or necklaces with their names in cursive written through them. The Jersey Shore confirms that the majority of America, and the rest of the world, for that matter, looks into this little world that I lived in my whole life through a magnifying glass for entertainment and comic relief. And you know what? I'm damn proud of it!
 This show is comical, killer, and all around A+ television that shouldn't be missed by any reality show afficionados. Bringing together eight self-professed guidos from New Jersey, New York, and Rhode Island, the guys are juiced up and the girls rock hoops, poofs, and some deadly extensions that I would never endorse even in my most guido state possible. The show captures the summer of these eight college-aged Italian Americans living in a beach house in Seaside Heights, New Jersey for three months. You'll get your fair share of bar brawls, too hot for TV sex moments, and, of course, a multitude of clips of the studs getting muscled up at the gym. More importantly, you'll have some new beauty standards to strive for after you see these girls in their deep Mystic tans and two-toned ripped jeans (BIG J to the K right there...but it's still fun to watch). But after watching so many reality shows with idiots that I have nothing in common with, why not waste my time watching idiots who at least exhibit a little bit of familiarity?
Haven't seen Jersey Shore yet? Get on YouTube right now and watch Jenni (of course she ends her name in an 'i') "Snooki"get punched in the face after drunkenly yelling expletives to a high school gym teacher at a bar. Or, Google all of the Italian American organizations trying to sue MTV right now for creating a show that's "defamatory" towards the Italian heritage (deal with it). Despite being just another white trash reality show, it seems like everyone has something to say about Jersey Shore. And it doesn't hurt that I love watching Ronnie's twelve pack on television every Thursday night.

Pingpong, Anyone?

Rather than eating lunch on break at Sushi-Go-Round in the Verizon Center on 7th Street as usual, my friends Sarah and Justin and I decided to be a little bit more innovative this afternoon and try one of DC's newest supposed "hot spots". I am very apprehensive when the Washingtonian, Glitterazzi, or whatever in between dubs a new DC locale as "trendy and sexy"; translation, it's usually either Eurotrash guys prowling on girls, using it as the pregame spot before their night at Ultrabar, or a thirty-something-Bluetooth-wearing-I'm-too-important-for-you crowd. When I heard that Pingpong's first opening in the United States would be brought to DC, I was excited but unsure how the Washingtonians would take it. Of course, anyone who's anyone thinks tapas platters are "just fabulous" and the coolest thing in the world (even though have of these idiots don't even know that Europeans have been eating this way for over a century), so we were all pretty sure that small plates would be appealing to the young professional crowd regardless of the format. But dimsum plates?! This might be a little too Eastern-minded for the Capitol Hill folk. Regardless, its international motto describing its cuisine as "steamed little parcels of deliciousness" is entirely and one-hundred percent true even within its newest franchise on 7th street that has only been opened officially for four days.
With a gorgeous black-on-black set up, open floor plan, and hipster-cool lounge music playing on repeat,  I felt like I was in a futuristic Chinese tea house. Taking on a thousand year old tradition, each entree ranges from $4 to $8, with three items in each. With fabulous cocktails that don't skimp on the booze (always important) and excellent non-alcoholic choices when you know the sangria will put you out when it's time to go back to work, Pingpong is fast, fun, and trendy. Even better, it is white-girl friendly; unlike most of my other Asian hotspots, I didn't have to chug a glass of milk with a hand full of Tums afterwards to prevent the heartburn that MSG and Siracha-infused dishes often give me (yet I continue eating, because they're that good). Plus, the social and relaxed atmosphere caters perfectly to the awkward first date spot; if he's a total doofus, you can just talk about all of the action going around you in the restaurant to save yourself from the awkward silences.
The good? With everything being numbered on the menu, make sure you indulge in #37 Traditional Sticky Rice Parcel, #57 Chicken Puff Pastries, and the ultimate, #209 Pork Buns, which will be the most delicious Asian pork buns you'll ever have in your mouth. For a huge, multiple course meal under $30 in a chic atmosphere, I'll definitely be back frequently.
The bad? If I'm looking a little thunder thigh-ish (I've already eaten there twice this week), you'll know why.

Visit Ping Pong at 900 7th Street, opened seven days a week and available for private events. 

And you thought Apple was Weird

Have you ever been bored at work or school and have started practicing your autograph, like, twenty five times in perfect cursive in a row? Maybe I'm just crazy, but I've been known to do this, but in a much stranger way; instead of just writing my autograph, I write the four names I've preselected for the two boys and two girls I'll have one day. Don't get any ideas- I'm not looking to be pregnant for at least another ten years, but when the time comes, there will be a great deal of Baby Juicy Couture sweat suits and mini Tims on my baby shower registry. With the hopes that no one will be stealing these gems, the four majestic names (which will be given regardless of the father's last name OR personal taste) are the following:

1. Amalia Catherine Love
2. Luther Winston Time
3. Felicity Anastasia Joie
4. Oliver Samuel Truth

When I tell people this, I usually get mocked at by others for my so-called "hippie dippie" choices and also for the fact that my sons will supposedly get beat up. But being as confident I am to tell people that leopard is my favorite color, I keep in mind the fact that these names ferosh, and more importantly, that celebrities have given their kids names ten times for rancid by the standard of the status-quo. Even though I would do whatever I wanted if I was famous (and currently am not famous and pretty much do whatever I want anyway), these celebs need to realize that their fame doesn't ensure a slot in Hollywood for their children (Rumer Willis, anyone? A for Effort, I guess). And because of that, they need to cool it with the jackass names, or else their kids will have issues in many aspects in life, from getting a job to getting a boo and getting everything in between. While some of them are out of the ordinary but still work out okay as being quirky and cute (think Heidi Klum's Johan, Gwen Stefani's Kingston, and Salma Hayek's Valentina), others are absolutely offensive and will land these poor kids with a complex by the time they reach fifth grade. Need a reminder? The following will make Luther Winston Time sound like John Smith the Pilgrim:

1. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt: Cute I guess, and definitely a hot baby, but reminds me of this book I read about a dog in elementary school. And no girl wants people to think of a dog when they hear her name.
2. Sparrow Madden: WHY! I understand Joel Madden is supposed to be an emo rocker, and Nicole Richie likes to pretend she's some tree-hugger now, but the name Sparrow makes any guy seem inadequate. 
3. Kal-El Cage: Nicholas Cage's son, which is already problematic seeing as the child has a fifty-percent chance of resembling the not-so-studly actor. Plus, he's named after a super hero something, which is even sadder seeing how Nicholas Cage still has a fixation with comic books.
4. Apple Martin: I mean, at least it's a cute fruit. Imagine if she was Watermelon Martin; then she'd have no chance with anyone in life.
5. Ocean Whitiker: As the son of Forest Whitiker, it's okay to have a unique name. Like Forest; earthy, masculine, and mysterious. Ocean? Lucid, limp, and free-flowing. No bueno.
6. Blanket Jackson: Because any name that's not even appropriate to name your hamster should definitely not be given to your child.
7. Audio Science Sossaman: Not that anyone even knows who the actress Shannon Sossaman is. That's probably why she had to name her kid something that sounds like it's out of the Matrix.
8. Jermajesty Jackson: The crazies don't stop with Michael in the Jackson family; Jermaine puts his son before him, referring to his new born as Jermajesty... ewww.
9. Peaches Geldof: Why all the fruit with these names?
10. Phoenix Chi: Because Little Spice would have been better for Mel B's son- or is it a daughter? With a name like Phoenix Chi the only thing that I can identify is that the kid is going to by the head chief of their tribe one day. 
11. Jagger Lee: Come on, Pamela! I know you want your kid to be a sexpot badass, but your kid can't sound like a crackhead from the second he's out of your womb.
12. Zen Feldman: You're just trying wayyy too hard. Please, being "zen" or whatever was out over ten years ago. 
13. Bluebell Madonna Halliwell: Clearly all of the Spice Girls were high at the hospital. Ginger did even worse than scary, naming her child after a flower, but at least she gave homage to the Blessed Mother with the child's middle name. How nice.
14. Fuschia Tomelty: Sting's baby girl, and you know what color her room will be.
15. Diezel Ki Braxton: I think I know five dogs named Diesel, and if Toni Braxton thought this name might be a little too common, decided to throw a 'z' in there just to mix things up a little bit.

So there you have it. Next time you and your baby daddy think that it would be cool to name your kid after a fruit or your neighbor's dog, think again. But if you decide to be daring enough to name your kid something ridiculous, at least you know that there's plenty of fabulous and rich people with names that are even crazier. 

A Guido Girl's Guide to an H1N1-free Holiday Season

Even though Beckham is super sexy, restrain yourself; you might get H1N1!!

 As I lay in bed and watch Hoarders on A&E underneath the covers, I have an upset stomach and can smell the infected homes through my 8 by 10 flat screen television that I stole from my old room mate. More importantly, the show was a reality check to me regarding all of the yucky new meningitus-like diseases that have been brought about as winter approaches. As times change, so do the severity of flu symptoms and the rise of new diseases, but as a social girl who loves going out and causing a ruckus, it's extremely hard for me and all of my friends to be hypochondriacs and stay inside while another group of girls are probably out getting their own free bottle of Moet at The Park. It's impossible, miserable, and plebiante (aka poor) to live in a box and be afraid to have fun because you might wind up in bed for five days, but in reality, a week without an income because you're ill will but a huge damper on your budget and may cause you to be forced to skimp out on someone for Christmas because you  lived in a fantasy world. Let's face it people; The flu is back this year and is bigger and badder than ever. With a new, even more bad ass name that sounds like something out of a Star Wars triology, don't let H1N1 make you pooey this season. Instead, here are some great tips below that will keep you away from the flu while still maintaining your fabulosity:

• Take a multi vitamin every day. Trader Joe's makes a great one, and not only are they great cures to hangovers, but will boost up your body's immune system.
• Skip the face mask. Unless you're doing surgery or acrylic nails, you're only going to scare people around you if you wear one of those ugly things. Plus, you'll probably jinx yourself and end up with H1N1 if you act like such a retard.
• Drink three glasses of orange juice a day. Not only does it taste great, but you'll pee it all out by the end of the day and will be a super crazy immune booster.
• Keep a waterless soap in your car or purse so you can clean up constantly. From putting your hand on the escalator at the mall to fondling the next door neighbor, there are germs on everything that you can immediately shut out with this product. Just don't get the generic; get a pretty lavender blend from Bath & Bodyworks so that you don't smell like a chemist.
• EXERCISE: Your immune system will boost immediately and you'll also loose weight, what's better than that?
• Stop making out with random people. I know it's fun in the summer when you're down at your beach house, but it's not as promising when you're on the dance floor at McFaddens. Next time you're about to make out with a random, picture that special someone blowing his nose for an entire week straight the week before. Not sexy; and if you make out with him, you won't be, either.
• Stay away from family-style restaurants. I disapprove of these anyway even when it's not flu season, but those huge plates of linguini at Maggianno's are like petri dishes, not to mention terrible and unauthentic representations of Italian cuisine.

With these tips, there's no excuse so catch the flu this season. Be safe, be practical, drink your orange juice, and stay away from the rando's.