A Guido Girl's Guide to an H1N1-free Holiday Season

Even though Beckham is super sexy, restrain yourself; you might get H1N1!!

 As I lay in bed and watch Hoarders on A&E underneath the covers, I have an upset stomach and can smell the infected homes through my 8 by 10 flat screen television that I stole from my old room mate. More importantly, the show was a reality check to me regarding all of the yucky new meningitus-like diseases that have been brought about as winter approaches. As times change, so do the severity of flu symptoms and the rise of new diseases, but as a social girl who loves going out and causing a ruckus, it's extremely hard for me and all of my friends to be hypochondriacs and stay inside while another group of girls are probably out getting their own free bottle of Moet at The Park. It's impossible, miserable, and plebiante (aka poor) to live in a box and be afraid to have fun because you might wind up in bed for five days, but in reality, a week without an income because you're ill will but a huge damper on your budget and may cause you to be forced to skimp out on someone for Christmas because you  lived in a fantasy world. Let's face it people; The flu is back this year and is bigger and badder than ever. With a new, even more bad ass name that sounds like something out of a Star Wars triology, don't let H1N1 make you pooey this season. Instead, here are some great tips below that will keep you away from the flu while still maintaining your fabulosity:

• Take a multi vitamin every day. Trader Joe's makes a great one, and not only are they great cures to hangovers, but will boost up your body's immune system.
• Skip the face mask. Unless you're doing surgery or acrylic nails, you're only going to scare people around you if you wear one of those ugly things. Plus, you'll probably jinx yourself and end up with H1N1 if you act like such a retard.
• Drink three glasses of orange juice a day. Not only does it taste great, but you'll pee it all out by the end of the day and will be a super crazy immune booster.
• Keep a waterless soap in your car or purse so you can clean up constantly. From putting your hand on the escalator at the mall to fondling the next door neighbor, there are germs on everything that you can immediately shut out with this product. Just don't get the generic; get a pretty lavender blend from Bath & Bodyworks so that you don't smell like a chemist.
• EXERCISE: Your immune system will boost immediately and you'll also loose weight, what's better than that?
• Stop making out with random people. I know it's fun in the summer when you're down at your beach house, but it's not as promising when you're on the dance floor at McFaddens. Next time you're about to make out with a random, picture that special someone blowing his nose for an entire week straight the week before. Not sexy; and if you make out with him, you won't be, either.
• Stay away from family-style restaurants. I disapprove of these anyway even when it's not flu season, but those huge plates of linguini at Maggianno's are like petri dishes, not to mention terrible and unauthentic representations of Italian cuisine.

With these tips, there's no excuse so catch the flu this season. Be safe, be practical, drink your orange juice, and stay away from the rando's.