How to Loose a Girl in Ten Days

Let's face it; We've all seen the movie. Adorable Kate Hudson tries to escape from Matthew McConaughey through a series of antics, eventually falling in love with him while simultaneously making every girl across the country want to wear her yellow gown for prom (you know what I'm talking about...Jessica McClintok, anyone?). It's a fun concept and a great fantasy to have when you're living vicariously through the character and pretending like you're trying to brush off someone as hot as McConaughey in real life (who the right mind who would honestly do that?), but as a young twenty-something in a big city exposed to many different people every day, can assure you that I've seen the good, the bad, and the ugly when it's come to guys. Yes, girls are crazy and I'm the first one to confirm that; we stare at the phone every two seconds waiting for that text message, freak out when you forget to call us back, and go complete ape shit at the club after a couple of cocktails even when you're just saying 'hi' to a girl in passing (not that this has ever been me, of course...). I can also confirm, on the other hand, that guys are stupid and have many vices of there own. More often then not, they loose a girl over some stupidity that they overlooked and that could have very easily been controlled. Below, I've listed some significant deal breakers that every girl could agree with and that every guy could utilize for a little bit of advice- And, trust me, it doesn't matter if you're as hot as Matthew McConaughey. Here's how every guy can loose a girl in ten days, and in most circumstances, even less time than that:

• Not saying hi to my parents: It sounds so simple, but so often, guys don't showcase the proper enthusiasm needed with parents. I'm not forcing you to make my mom you're new best friend, but at least fake it a little bit when you see her.
• Eating Subway/Quiznos/Chipotle/Etc. in front of me: Maybe it's crazy and just a personal quirk, but this stuff is the devil in my book. Eat it when you're with your dudes, not right before it's time to make out.
• Smoke inside of your house: Or not smoke at all, but I know everyone has their vices, and I'm not one to judge that. Just don't smoke inside of your house; my clothes will always smell like Newports, which is not sexy, and my allergies are already at a level five and your smokey home will not do them any better.
• Halitosis: Enough said. Get some dental insurance and take care of it!
• Ball Caps with Sports Teams: Unless you're my brother, no guy can pull this off. Tell me who your favorite team is over a Blue Moon at Old Glory, not by ruining a perfectly good outfit on a night of us going out together.
• Telling me you severely harmed/were violent towards/murdered someone: I can't deal with knowing your deep secrets, and especially nothing of this sort. Go tell Father Ed at Confession, instead. Also, I don't want you to have a relapse on me.
• Having a third nipple: Because even if you're the nicest guy in the world, this will cause our relationship to not go beyond a friendship.
• Overt Sweating: Do you always look like you've just been pushed into a swimming pool even if you're just sitting down at dinner? No bueno.
• Getting pulled over for a DUI....with me in the car....and then fighting the cops: I don't want to be on Cops, High Speed Chases, or any other white trash tv shows. Sorry.

It may seem harsh, but this list probably exhibits everything that girls out there want to mention but can't. It's hard being a guy, and I understand that girls are critical and crazy, but understand that you now have an inside look regarding what NOT to do in order to keep you're girl in the picture. Of course, no one's perfect on either end, but what's worse than a third nipple? Or a murderer?