A Very Rhode Island Thanksgiving

I greatly apologize for my lack of blogging lately, however, I've flown to Rhode Island and have had a few issues that have contributed to this lag in updating because of my temporary location:

1. Because I knew I'd have to fit in during my time in the Ocean State, I immediately had acrylic nails applied so I would be up to par with the other La Salle Academy alums at Pearl Lounge on the night-before-Thanksgiving bash (which had a $20 cover- please, this is Providence, NOT the Bellagio). This makes typing quite the workout.
2. With the constant eating compliments of my Greek relatives, I've been in food coma during the hours of the day which I would normally blog and spent that time nursing my temporary foopa instead.
3. One of my favorite men in the world, Manny Francis, resides here and I spend a great deal of my time in the 401 chasing him and trying to entice him to hang out with me by dangling Portugese chourico in front of his face (okay, not literally. But I do threaten this often).
4. My mother's computer is from 1999 and the space key rarely works properly.

With that being said, I'm sorry that the Leopard has been inactive lately, however, I have thirty followers and am not Perez Hilton. Once I get funding from Google and other investors to get the ball rolling with this, I'll make Perez Hilton feel like he never should have even attempted blogging (Or not, but in my mind, yes).
But on a more comical note, Rhode Island never fails to offer a colorful Thanksgiving holiday with some of the most predictable characteristics that will always define your trip to the home state no matter where you're traveling in from. Haven't quite nailed what makes Rhode Island so unique for the Thanksgiving holiday? See if any of these suggestions align with any personal experiences:

• Before Thanksgiving occurs, your mother, aunt, or other female relative freaks out and does all of their banking, errands, etc. before because "oh-my-God-Citizens-Bank-and-Stop&Shop-will-be-closed-tomorra-what-ah-we-gonna-do?!?!?!".
• You know the night before you're going to see everyone and their mom dolled up in their finest Bebe and Arden B. attire at either Pearl, Monet, or the View and are going to give so many fake kisses that you'll be at risk for H1N1. You will also witness some sort of girlfight at any one of the following locations (and you better stay away from him, or else the girlfight will involve you).
• One turkey is not enough in Rhode Island, as eating is very important to all of us. No matter how many people at your Thanksgiving feast (Mine had 60, no joke), expect at the very least two to three turkeys. And because Rhode Islanders are so proud of their respective hertiges (which are usually only either Italian or Portugese), expect ethnic side dishes, from cacoila to lasagna.
• During dinner, a word will not get in edge wise by anyone. There will be lots of screaming and yelling, and the boozing won't help the situation too much, either. Hours later, a food coma will occur in which everyone becomes immediately quiet, except for that one male relative who decides to take out his accordian and play old Dean Martin standards while everyone is trying to digest (This is not a joke).
• Mothas everywhea will set their alarms at 3:30 a.m. so that they can make is to Wrenthem Outlets by 4. When you decide that you need adequate sleep and let others know you won't be at the Outlets until 9, you're looked at by others as if you're missing the opportunity to meet Jesus himself.
• All of the other mothas stay inside their homes all day, stating that they're "not goin anywhea out thea" because the one decent mall is the state might be a little crowded and, in their minds, will cause traffic all the way to Smithfield so they decide to sit at home all day like there's an Anthrax threat in the air.

Yes, this is a typical Thanksgiving in Rhode Island and I've been lucky enough to have experienced most of this already throughout the duration of my trip. Even though it's silly and so stereotypical, Rhode Island is home and will always have a red, white, and green place in my heart (Italian flag, for you stunads who don't know). But my new acrylic nails are making typing difficult, and I have to get in bed for some serious Black Friday action tomorrow. Make sure you set your alarms before all of the good Juicy Couture warm up suits are gone.