I Don't Like Sports

So sue me. In a working environment that consists of mostly an upper-middle class Caucasian demographic, I’m constantly invited to happy hours and social events revolving around sporting events. And, unlike those other girls who pretend that they know what a ‘tip off’ is (which I had to ask someone what that meant today) to look well-rounded and down to Earth in front of guys, I will openly admit the unbelievable: Hi, my name is Angela Milas, and I don’t like sports. I hate watching them, I get ADD, I loose my patience, and would rather be enjoying myself elsewhere. There are exceptions, however; I LOVE the World Cup (Let’s go Portugal!), competition cheerleading, and surfing, of course (hello, Ocean State?). And although I will rally when a championship game is on and act like I’m a diehard fan for one night, I truly could not care less about sports, and here’s why:


• I hate wieners, I hate beer, and just about everything at a sporting event triggers IBS (which I know is TMI, I’m sorry, but it’s true. What idiot thought it would be a good idea to put a Ben’s Chilli Bowl AND a Five Guys at the Nationals Stadium?).

• I don’t want to see boys sweat. It means that they smell poorly so I’ll forever associate them with B.O.

• The seats always hurt my butt by the end of the game.

• Sporting events give people an excuse to act stupid. Just because you’re at a basketball game does not give you a license to walk around shirtless with your not-so-hot midriff and be a drunken slob.

• I’ve never seen anyone want a t-shirt, towel, banner, or whatever miscelleneaous item they throw into the audience during half time more in my life.

• The songs they play are awful. If I hear “We Are the Champions”, “Sweet Caroline”, or any of those jams one more time I will blow my brains out. I just don’t understand why they can’t play Lady GaGa to rev up the players.

• The tickets are so expensive. Let’s be honest, I could have a phenomenal dinner and get bottle service at Fly after for the price of a Redskins tickets.

• The bathrooms always smell like urine no matter what the arena so I always end up holding it for the whole time and being entirely uncomfortable for the whole game.

• You can’t wear heels or you’ll look like an idiot. I’m 5’4 and 140 lbs; if I wear no heels I look plumpy, so I always look fug and short when I subject myself to sports.

• Everyone gets unnecessary agita. It’s not the Apocalypse if they loose!



I’m sorry for my rant, but with the NBA Championships on tonight (is that what it’s called?), everyone is going into total freak out mood and I’m not going to front and act like I care a whole lot. But being the hypocrite I am, I’ll definitely be at Chef Geoff’s tonight, in a full green outfit, Blue Moon in hand, and cheering for the Celtics. In some sort of heel, of course.