Not exactly. But, apparently, Theresa Giudice of the New Jersey season made a special guest appearence at Providence's very own Pearl Nightclub last night. And, while I am visiting this weekend, just didn't pack enough Ed Hardy or sparkly accessories to accomodate the classy Rhode Island club scene. However, I did hear through the rumor mill that Theresa was adorabley dressed (by standards of a Northern demographic), friendly, and even enjoyed a delicious dinner at Pearl before hand, compliments of David Bolton and the rest of his club promoting crew (apparently, my former high school classmate runs the Rhode Island nightlife scene now... if you're ever in Providence, he is your go-to guy). But with the debut of the Miami franchise approaching this week, I had to ask myself... What would the Real Housewives of Rhode Island be like?!
- Their last names would all be Italian, let's be real here. Even if you are Italian by heritige, if you didn't marry one, don't even consider applying to the state that paints the yellow lines on the road green, red, and white (fact, if you've ever dined on Federal Hill before).
- Their sprawling homes would exist in Alpine Estates or on some new development on the Johnston-Scituate line. Anything south of Cranston? You can just fuggedaboutit.
- Dramatic dinner parties would ensue at The Ten, Cappriccio, and Pane Vino, equipped with full on table flipping. When the weather is warm, eff the Dunes Club; these women are Bonnet Shores babes all day.
- No need for Maserattis or Bentleys in The Real Housewives of Rhode Island- if you drive a used Lexus I.S., you're going to be envied by every woman on Mineral Spring Ave.
- Like many of the other seasons, hair extensions and Botox treatments will be a requirement for all participants, alongside an ample amount of spray tanning. We don't play around in the 401 when it comes to looking our best, ladies.
- The season will conclude with one of the housewives and her husband trying to crash one of Mayor Cicilline's parties on the East Side. But they won't make it through the front door...
- Every woman will be required to use a bedazzled Nextel phone, even though there is literally not a single other state in the country that still thinks its cool to use this walkie-talkie inspired device.
- There will be Sky dresses, animal prints, and flashy handbags galore in this season.
- In one episode, a housewife will make her husband take her to Anthony's Jewelers and buy her the biggest diamond in stock. Because "when you think Anthony's you think diamonds, when you think diamonds you think Anthony's".
- Each housewife will at some point in the season march into La Salle Academy and get in a fight with one of their children's teachers, because, why the frig did my kid fail the midterm?!?!?!
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