Time to Bulk Up

But not in a female body-builder type of way, because that would just be frightening. But as seventy degree weather becomes less and less of a rarity and the humidity kicks in, clothes start to become tinier and catcalls tend to get louder and more obnoxious. And though it's rare that you'll give up that weekly Georgetown cupcake or Friday night drinking binge, it's time to kick your game up at the gym if you expect to look halfway decent if you're even thinking about tanning on the Waterfront. Having recently tested out a ton of different fitness programs and classes on my own due to too many late night trips to Honey Pig, try giving a less conventional (or conventional) fitness plan a try to relieve stress, get rid of the love handles, and feel all-around better about yourself:

• Try Spinning: Really, I'm addicted. This rigorous, forty five minute cycling class amps up all of its participants in its dark room with loud, blaring music. You'll burn up to 600 calories in the time of the class and won't have to deal with the embarrassment of seeing people if you were cycling on the street. The downside? The narrow seat hurts my butt and some of the Georgetown moms are so damn dramatic in my class that they moan like they're going through labor.
• Quick Trim: Because who doesn't want to look like a Kardashian? Though I don't actually know how healthy this "natural dietary supplement" is, I have several girlfriends who have lost weight fast by taking it. It seems perfect for those last minute cases of desperation. Because how hot can you look?
• Cardio Karatedo: At Vida Fitness in Chinatown (which I refuse to attend, since ever guy I ever knew in my life seems to workout there), one of the most popular classes, Karatedo, is a combination of kick boxing and Tae Kwon Do moves that will have you sweating in the first ten minutes. What's better, you'll also learn how to kick ass while you're kicking your own.
• ZUMBA!: I don't know why they put an exclamation point at the end of the title, but I tried it once and it's not that bad. Using hip-hop and Latin infused fast paced moves, this moderate workout will make you feel amazing and you'll feel like you're a good dancer, too.
• BenderBall: This made me and my college room mate, Noor, have legitimate abs during our junior year. If you Google Benderball, you'll be able to order the excellent ball along with three DVDs for a $20. Your abs will be sore and you'll stand out amongst a sea of beer bellies. And, you'll be able to revisit the belly shirt trend. 
• Hot Yoga: I did this once and started seeing white spots, but have a lot of friends who get a lot out of this workout. For ninety minutes, you might as well be working out on the steps of the Taj Mahal in July, as you perform basic yoga moves in a hundred-ten degree room. The downside? My instructor was chubby, which wasn't exactly any motivation for all of the suffering.
• Ultimate Conditioning Class at WSC: This class at the WSC in Georgetown made spinning seem like a day at the spa. For fifty-five minutes, get ready to die as you do non-stop trainer workouts that include weights, abdominals, and extremely intense cardio. I took this class two days ago and it still hurts to sit down.

Want a class but have no gym? Leopards, the District accommodates all socio-economic backgrounds when it comes to getting in shape:

Poor? YMCA. 1711 Rhode Island Ave NW. (202)-785-5295. $24/mo.

Working Class? Washington Sports Club. Multiple Locations. (202)-737-3555. $69/mo.

Rich Girl? Vida Fitness. 601 F Street NW. (866)-382-VIDA. $99/mo.

Celebutante? The Sports Club LA. 22 M St. NW. (202)-974-6600. $149/mo.

Regardless of your budget or fitness goals, continue munching on the Doritos, but get to the gym so you don't become the Doritos Blimp. And, please, spare us all; Stay far, far away from any Cardio Striptease classes.