I Have Major Issues with the Jolie-Pitt's

Hot. International. World-renowned. Big Lips. Adoption. While these are definitely some of the things that come to mind when thinking about the Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt brood, I’ve come to terms with the fact recently that I have MAJOR issues with this all-star Hollywood family. And while I don’t take away from the fact that Santa Angelina travels and acts philanthropic in some of the most terrible places in the world, aside from serving as a role model in this regard, does very little in the child-rearing department. Her vagina has had little stress in ratio to the amount of children she’s had total, and while I do commend the family again for glamorizing adoption, have decided that the Jolie-Pitt family do some things in their family that are downright weird.


• They all sleep in a bed together- I’m definitely guilty of passing out next to my mom on a few occasions, but my dad and brother in the mix too?! Hell no! This reminds me of an episode of Sister Wives gone bad. Or, worse still, Michael Jackson’s Neverland.

• They dress Shiloh like a boy- Granted, if I had the genetic makeup of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, you could put poop on my face and I’d still look sexy. But this girl is going to have a complex! The butch hair cut? The cargo jeans? The fake weapon satchels? All that on a five year old, and she’s going to have some major confusion issues.

• They let their kids curse- Or so People Magazine says (my valuable sources). Such a WASPy move right here; if I ever said eff in my mother’s house, even at my current age, there would be Hell to pay. I understand they’re trying to cultivate some sort of “New Age” home life, but you still need to instill some kind of rules!

• They have six kids and aren’t married- I know I’m going to get tons of crap for this one. And I understand, things happen in life, and a child isn’t always a prerequisite for a marriage. But my personal views on having kids out of wedlock aside, you’d think once you had SIX kids together you’d consider tying the knot. What kind of selfish crap is that? Why cultivate this huge family if you can’t commit to each other? Whatevs.

• Angelina looks ana half the time- Which is going to cause her daughters to have weight complexes their entire lives. She needs a serious Happy Meal or else she’s going to instill an idea that it’s okay to be ninety five pounds.

• They don’t keep their kids in the same school for more than three months- I’m twenty-three, and hating being the new kid now! Some of my childhood friends continue to be my closest. Unless you’re in the military, a missionary, or in the circus, than there’s no reason to schlep your family from place to place like this.

• They let their eldest son play with real swords- Also says People Magazine. So who really knows. But if it’s true, that’s messed up.

If I were their keeper, Pax would take a bath, Shiloh would be in a dress, and I’d make sure that they were in an elementary school consistently for five years. Until then, continue being weirdos, Brad and Angela- but at least you’re doing good deeds in the meantime.

Holy Cow, Taylor Swift!

And we're not talking about the ones one your farm in the middle-of-nowhere Pennsylvania! No, Taylor's clearly been reading my blog, and in taking everything I've said about her under consideration (or in my dreams, at least), has morphed into a totally bangin' celeb! It's so funny what a little bit of bangs, lip plumper, fake eyelashes, and cleavage can do to totally metamorphosize one's look. This just goes to show you how anyone can be a bombshell, but you must first admit that you have the fashion emergency. And while I'm sure Playboy, Maxim, and whatever other magazines try to get girls to pose in their underwear will definitely be putting out countless offers after seeing her in these sex kitten smokey eyes, I'm sure Taylor will continue to maintain her squeeky-clean image to reinforce her love for her teeny bopper fan base (vom). But I'm so proud of her that she's put the effort in, to say the least. Though her flats, curls, and pearl earrings have irritated me for the past two years that she's been in the public eye, that 'Romeo & Juliet' song just sounds so much better now.

Providence isn't just for guidos anymore, people

And I can testify for that firsthand. After spending a night treading away from my usual Providence haunts such as Karta Bar, Monet, and just about anything on Federal Hill, I tried some new spots with some of my closest girlfriends tonight and noticed that all of the Pauly D lookalikes where nowhere to be found in any of them. It was truly refreshing to be in an atmosphere in which my leopard print pumps were an oddity and my sinuses weren't being clogged with expired Aqua Di Gio on just about every man in sight. But in reflecting further, the light bulb went off and I came to a truly astonishing revelation- not everything in Rhode Island epitomizes the guido lifestyle. Sure, things like Capriccio's, Mineral Spring Ave, and pretty much everything in Johnston will be characterized by the gelled back style, so to speak, but so many things to do in Rhode Island just don't look like they're a carbon copy of Jersey Shore anymore. Looking to expand your cultural lens next time you're in the Ocean State and not really in the mood to fist pump? Here are some nice rarities when you feel like mixing things up a little bit:

• The Black Pearl- This delicious eatery off of Thames Street in Newport has some of the best clamcakes in all of RI. Plus, its preppiness and old school style is the epitome of Newport's waspy culture.
• Feminine Fancies- Owned by a former high school classmate's mother, you won't be finding Ed Hardy or Sky in this adorable Barrington boutique. While it's not entirely my style, I've definitely found something, and there's great designer sales and a little something for everything.
• The Avery- Make sure you have your skinny jeans and high tops ready to go, because this Providence bar will have you feeling like a hipster in no time! If you fist pump here, rest assured that you WILL get dirty looks. 
• The Hope Club- This club for old men on the East Side that my grandfather use to be a part of during his life. I don't really understand it but know that it's totally not guido and something along the lines of The University Club. Great networking opportunities, if you will.
• The Wheeler School- Not looking to raise your kids in an atmosphere that doesn't have pimped out cars, kids with blow outs, or crazy school dances? Send them to The Wheeler School, a prep school in the heart of Providence that is complete with Lacoste and Volvos galore (and completely the opposite of everything I stand for as a human being).
• Oakland Beach- Because not everything on the non-guido list had to be classy. This Warwick beach by all means is not, but is in the heart of Warwick and definitely not comparable to Chair 2 (aka The Johnston Chair) at Scarbarough Beach.
• Cuban Revolution- Because what the frig kind of food to they honestly serve there?

There you have it. And while this list definitely took a little bit of extra effort, it definitely goes to show you that Providence really isn't just for guidos anymore. So whether you're a prepster, hipster, or skater, come together in the melting pot of a city that Providence is- and know that just because you don't have a tanning membership, doesn't necessarily mean that you'll forever be ostracized. 

Hello Kitty is STILL Hot!

On Monday night after work, my friend Cathy and I decided to indulge in some Korean barbeque after a long day of stress (not that I need anymore heavy meals before Thanksgiving on Thursday). While Honeypig was amazing as usual, it wasn’t until after our meal that she took me to the most adorable giftshop in Annandale- Little Thingamajigs, a girly store next to a Korean bakery featuring some of the most amazing Hello Kitty accessories I’ve seen under one roof. Let’s me honest; I’m neither nine years old or Kimora Lee Simmons, and definitely feel a little bit stupid at times indulging in my Hello Kitty obsession. But after the Rhode Island heiress Lauren Broccoli dubbed Sanrio’s sexy cat as chic, I felt inclined to buy everything I could at this store. After emptying my wallet on a lunchbox, key ring, tweezers, and stickers all tattooed by the cat’s presence, I decided I needed to know a little bit more about this defining cat of American and Asian pop culture. After much digging, there’s more substance to this kitty than you think; not only does she have an actual name, but is apparently good at baking cookies, as well (I can’t believe I’m actually articulating this). Here are some go-to fun facts about Hello Kitty to use the next time you’re trying to appear knowledgeable:


• Name: Kitty White
• Birthday: November 1, 1974
• Blood type: A
• Place of birth: Sanrio, Japan
• Height: That of five apples
• Weight: That of three apples
• Good at: Baking cookies
• Favorite food: Apple pie made by Mama (mum)
• Favorite word: "Friendship"
• Collects: Small cute things like sweets, stars, goldfish etc.
• Best school subjects: English, music and visual arts
• Description: A bright and kind-hearted girl, good at baking cookies and loves Mama's apple pie. Very close to her twin sister Mimmy.

Since 1974, Hello Kitty has been an icon celebrated by women of all ages around the world. She’s adorable, fun, and has even been transformed into expensive jewelry pieces and video games. Celebrate your inner child and do NOT be embarrassed to love Hello Kitty. And if I hear one more person tell me that they don’t understand what the big deal is, than obviously their height is not that of five apples.

Kissed by an Angel

Sometimes with death and tragedy, it’s so difficult to celebrate life, God, and all of the good energy that coincides within the memory of someone’s life. But on November 8th, 2010, nearly five hundred people helped in celebrating the life of the very girl who taught me how to put on fake eyelashes, add a color background and graphics on my AIM profile, do somersaults on the floor of Hendricken basketball games instead of the typical cheerleader back handsprings, and act as an ally in my very short career of prank calling (which was stopped fast, but that’s a whole other blog entry). Desiree Mesolella’s life was tragically ended in a drunk driving accident on June 23rd, 2008- she was nineteen years old. And while we often remember the funny, mischievous elements of Desiree’s personality that made us laugh on a daily basis, one thing that we often forget was her INSANELY TALENTED art abilities. Upon her death, her family began The Desiree Mesolella Art Scholarship- a program that awards two five thousand dollar scholarships to college-bound Rhode Island art students annually. And what better, more fabulous way to raise funds than host a shopping/lunch event at the very Rhode Island-esque Rhodes on the Pawtuxet in Cranston?!

At sixty dollars a ticket, women of all ages enjoyed shopping at various vendors, bidding on paintings by Desiree’s fellow artist colleagues that were painted on the spot, lunch, and raffles that got pretty competitive (Come on, where else BUT Rhode Island do women go crazy for a gorgeous, silver Tory Burch bag and gold Roberto Cavalli sunglasses?!?!). Even more excitingly, at twenty five dollars a ticket, you could take your chance on winning a pair of diamond earrings attached to a champagne class of pink leomonade (every glass had CZs attached, but only one the real diamonds). Aside from the aesthetics, the event was truly a reunion for me and many of my high school girlfriends, and I got to catch up with many who I really only was tied to because of Desiree.

But with any event in Rhode Island, there were several “only in Rhode Island” moments that have still had me laughing two weeks later. And as elegant as the event was, where else but Rhode Island would:

• The Olive Oil Basket giveaway raffle be filled to the brim with tickets?

• Women be wearing fur coats in fifty degrees?

• There be on site hair extension demonstrations (which, yes, I did take part in)?

• Nona’s Kitchen, the Italian cooking public access television show in Rhode Island, be the most popular booth?

• Leopard print be the accent on the event’s aesthetic design (A+ for this idea)?
All in all, the event was a huge hit, and not only captured Desiree’s spirit, but brought women of all ages who simply loved fabulosity, high heels, and everything that makes being a woman fun. Because even when life is over, you really always can still paint the town leopard in spirit.
Check out www.desilee.org for information about Kissed by an Angel and The Desiree Mesolella Art Scholarship.

The Gibson

Want to feel like you’re in a hipster version of The Great Gatsby (AKA my FAVORITE novel of all time)? I’m sure this is old news to many, but if you have yet to go, The Gibson is truly a mixologist’s dream. Located next to Marvin’s in the heart of U Street, The Gibson has no sign, colors, or aesthetics on the outside; like a 1920’s speakeasy, you simply have to knock on the door and hope that someone answers. And, usually, they do, but be sure to heed with casual- the hosts usually know that entry is very desirable, and their elitism has been known to make me go very North Providence on them. But despite this one shortcoming, the inside is sexy, romantic, and truly has a flare that you’re somewhere secret and forbidden. And, with alcohol being a hot commodity and rarity in the 1920s time period, it takes a similar characteristic here, with drink prices up to $18. Ignore the drink menu and take advantage of the fab bartenders- I usually go and just sit at the bar, tell them I love moscato or anything that’s very sugary, and they make me something unique and perfect. My only FYI is to be SURE you make a reservation. While it is a bar, there’s no standing room only here. And eat ahead of time- while there are munchies and hors d’oeurves, there is nothing close to anything that would legitimately fill me up for the evening. But the next time you’re looking for the chill date spot, or are walking by Marvin’s and wondering what the hell the grey garage-looking building is next door, remember that The Gibson is truly a gem in the Capital.

Lauren Conrad? Oves.

Lauren Conrad taking the runway in a
black maxi dress that I could probably
find at Old Navy for $12.

I’m not obsessed with fashion. But I do love great pieces, Sky shirts, Pleasure Doing Business Skirts, and virtually anything that makes my waist look skinny and my boobs look half decent. But one thing I can’t stand are these people who claim themselves as fashionistas with very little original acclaim. Though I would never wear half the crap that Lady Gaga, Iman, Victoria Beckham, or Gwen Stefani wear, the uniqueness and forward nature of all of their ensembles make them stand out in a crowd and allow them to compete in a league of their own. Someone who peeves my in this area? Lauren Conrad- You’re hot, I loved your shows, you seem very genuine, and because of your straight hair I got a Brazilian blowout. HOWEVER, stop claiming yourself as this trendsetter/fashion icon! The Lauren Conrad Collection is nothing more than overpriced Splendid, and you put together “original looks” that look like you went into Bloomingdales and pulled off the very outfit that the Marc Jacobs mannequin was wearing. I’m not trying to hate, but I just don’t think she should pose herself as a mogul of something which she is NOT. Even more, what’s wrong with just being California cool? She should move away from this image of trying to pose as this “fashionista” and pimp out MTV and reality television for all it’s worth. I’m sure she’s a lovely girl. I’m just ready to poke the next person in the eye who comes close to referring to her as a fashion icon.