Why Pilgrims are Sexy

Everyone always gives the Native Americans (dare I say Indians) more credit. Disney made Pocahontas. Lego made its Teepee collection. And Free People somehow made dressing like a Navajo fashion forward. But on the brink of the Thanksgiving holiday approaching this Thursday, I was thinking; Modest is hottest, and pilgrims are kind of sexy if you think about it:

• Blacks and greys are always the most slimming of colors. Plus, the women probably didn't have a lot of food on the Mayflower, so had a very emmaciated, Kate Moss-esque look going on.
• They read the Bible frequently, and everyone loves a good Christian.
• They had families with up to ten children, which means that they were frisky once those borderline-burqas came off.
• In the Disney movie Pocahontas, John Smith was the hottest cartoon I've ever seen in my life. Done.
• Turkey, nuts, and cranberry sauce were a large part of their diets; all of that Omega-B, protein, and antioxidents suggest that they probably had great skin and nails.
• They wore loafer pumps on a daily basis, which, if you've opened an InStyle magazine in the past six months, know that they're a huge trend for fall.
• They all spoke in British accents. Hello, Jude Law, Hugh Grant, and Kate Winslet?! Nothing is sexier than that.
• They made peace with the Indians. And that is the sexiest part of it al.

So next time you choose to be on Team Sacajawea instead of Team Prudence Smith, think again; the pilgrims are way sexier than you can imagine!