I jumped out of an airplane!

With Lindsay Lohan in and out of jail, muddling with cocaine and meth, and spending the majority of her time in faux-lesbian relationships and trashy LA nightclubs, I truly believe that had she tried this on for size five years ago when she entered Hollywood, she would have gotten an adrenaline rush more intense than the best blow she could have gotten her hands on. And, with that being said and after an incredible weekend, I can endorse that sky-diving is officially the greatest anti-drug out there.

Let me go back to how this all began, when I was drinking Sex on the roof of the double, and after my third glass, my friend Vanessa leaned over to me and asked if I’d like to go skydiving with her in three weeks. Having little inhibitions during this conversation, Vanessa booked the sky diving appointment on the spot, and there was no turning back.
I’ve always loved roller coasters and fast cars, but jumping out of a plane?! I don’t think I’ve had more anxiety over anything in my entire life (and you’re talking to Xanax’s best friend right here, I won’t even lie about that).
Rocking out to some Slightly Stoopid and Sublime to soothe me all the way there, we cruised to Warrentown, Virginia, about an hour and a half outside of the city, and to be honest, I’m surprised that the guy from Texas Chainsaw Massacre didn’t attack us on the side of the road. But after arriving, shaking as I put on my cheerleading sneakers from Junior year of high school, I met a family of sky-divers at Capitol City Sky Dive, a family-run company with so much Southern hospitality that I was put at ease immediately. After the owner giving us a quick ten minute demo of how to arch our back during free-fall and his three-year-old grand daughter following along, he mentioned that he’d done over seven thousand sky dives to date! Out of nervousness, I jumped on the opportunity to be the first one to go up in the plane, since we’d be going one by one due to the plane’s small size.
Aren’t a fan of small jumper planes? This sport is NOT for you (sorry, Mom). On a slightly scary note, I will add that the plane was filled with duck tape and totally rickety, but knowing I would jump out after the longest ten minute flight to 10,000 feet of my life didn’t have me worrying about the poor plane conditions. My tandem jumper made light conversation with me, sensing my nervousness. At ten thousand feet, the plane stopped, and probably the scariest moment of my entire life occurred. The side door opened, and there I was, sitting with my feet on a small foot stool, with the winds going so fast against my face. Knowing that I would be jumping was surreal; if God was ever with me at any point during my life, it was at that moment, SERIOUSLY. And then I was told we’d rock back and forth, and on the third rock, we’d somersault head first out of the plane.
In my fake eyelashes and cubic zirconia studs, I free falled one thousand feet in ten seconds and the feeling was indescribable. Despite my apprehensions, my stomach didn’t drop for a single second. There have been roller coasters that I’ve done that have been legitimately scarier. But it was AMAZING; I felt like Superman, somersaulting and tumbling down for a full minute at speeds of one hundred forty miles per hour. And then, after three minutes, the parachute opened, we hopped up two hundred feet, and then, silence. After experiencing the greatest intensity of my life, I then felt like I was on a subliminal parasailing adventure, catching views of the beautiful Shenandoah Mountains.
“Do your boobs hurt?” The instructor asked me in his redneck-y accent, totally killing the mood of my relaxation, as the harness across the chest is known to be uncomfortable for females. We glided down, and he even let me steer my way all two thousand feet to the bottom. The landing was easy, graceful, and felt as if I was in some kind of pilates position. Lesson learned; suck it up, jump out of a plane, and DO IT! It’s horrifying and will probably give you the greatest anxiety of your life, but it’s all worth it. Just make sure you’re wearing a sexy outfit for the pictures!