There's Nothing Wholesome Here

Probably one of my biggest guilty pleasures is TLC reality television. This ranges anywhere from Sister Wives to Four Weddings, but most importantly, watching the Duggar family on 19 Kids and Counting a total addiction. Though I love pork, kisses, rap music, and just about everything else that’s forbidden in their ultra-conservative Fundamental Baptist household (or should I say compound- there’s twenty one of them!), I must admit that the Duggars seem to be warm, friendly people, and though extreme in practice, definitely seem to be kind-hearted people who I could have a nice conversation with at the end of the day. However, I literally almost choked on my Sauvignon Blanc last week when I was watching an episode on the onDemand last week; with very little of the family knowing how to swim, Jim Bob (hot name, just as an FYI) suggests that he take the brood for swim lessons. Great idea, yes. But keeping their modest lifestyle and strict practices in mind, the boys were forced to wear wetsuits and the girls probably forced to wear the biggest fashion emergency I’ve ever seen in my life. With mother Michelle Duggar articulating that she doesn’t want the eyes to be drawn to any inappropriate places, each one of the Duggar girls swims in something known in the conservative Christian community as Wholesome Wear, a rancid combination of Speedo-esque patterns on a long sleeve jumpsuit, covered with a burlap bag baggy, black jumper on top. Going even further by saying that her daughters wouldn’t be comfortable in swimming in anything else, I am still dumbfounded by this conservative swimsuit. Not only is it probably one of the ugliest looks I have ever seen in the modern age (aside from Vera Bradley headbands), but have zero clue how you’re supposed to swim properly with so much extra fabric attached to you. Sure, the extra leverage could create a great workout, but I just don’t understand the ‘why’ here. Michelle and Jim Bob, hear me out! I understand you don’t want your girls in a J Woww-like, zebra print, triangle bikini, but this?! There are plenty of fashion forward one pieces out there that would definitely do the trick when it comes to modesty, and just because you’re ultra-religious doesn’t mean you can’t be ultra fabulous…just saying.